It's possible—and this is just conjecture—that someone in the Gawker offices is scouring Florida news sites looking for these kinds of stories.

Yes, I know it's true that you don't have to look too hard for them.

Actually, Ovechkin has always seemed like a pacifist to me. Watching him play defense is all the proof that's needed.

To be fair, he CAN punt a football pretty far. Not quite far enough, but really goddamn far nonetheless.

To be fair, all three contestants complete the game every time. I don't remember the last time some fulbright scholar had to bow out due to injury or mouth breathing.

Why Your Contributor Sucks: Chris Fucking Kluwe

How far can you kick a dead horse?

I can see why you'd be partial to Greg, Chris. Neither of you can finish a 40 yard dash.

What Ray actually said was:
"Take the stand, or else you take the fall."

Driving on painkillers seems to carry a stiffer penalty than beating your fiance on tape and dragging her by the hair.

Oh, so the Times, they are a-changin'?

I can't imagine this is a problem for Jason Whitlock, he wants all the scoops for himself.

This article is so stupid that I'm going to close my browser and get back to work.

I'm wearing shorts right now.

"Deeeeah Mr. Trestman,

Personally, I think this shows major progress on the part of Montero. Earlier in the year, he'd have just thrown an empty ice cream sandwich wrapper.

"...only Quebec City can concretely offer an NHL-caliber arena."

Gawkce. Beyonspin. Enough already with Wiggles McJiggles, her music blows. Jeez, if she blew a fart this site would cover her fluttering anus 24/7 for two months. Fucking ponderous, man.

The contrast between the two singers shows us how much difference high-end gear can make. In this case, the Beyta 87 is obviously better than the SMDH-58.

Like Eminem?