Yeah, I can't imagine why they're prioritizing an integral part of their business over (I can't put enough quotation marks around the word) "safety". (if your idea of safety is never seeing anything unpleasant, I don't know where you got the idea that the internet is supposed to be safe)

OF COURSE YOU CAN'T CHANGE A FUCKING DIAPER IN THE MIDDLE OF A RESTAURANT.

Hear that everyone? colt45 today condemned my behavior and declared me to be a piece of shit. Economic sanctions are sure to follow.

I don't write for Gawker anymore. But you're a good person. Go forth and tell everyone what a good person you are.

Oh wait, you already have.

My dad would've beat the shit out of me, in the Burger King. The new laissez-faire parenting style is raising Braydens. Point finger at yourself.

finally paid the piper.

Question: do Americans actually give a shit about high school athletes? Reading that someone was a "star" high school athlete sounds silly to me. Like who gives a fuck - it's high school.

That dunk was Lincestuous!

The problem with gingers is if you extend them too far, they snap.

5A. Getting hit by a car.

Garbage, ranked:

To: all@seniorlivingcenter.com

Anecdote: Saw CC back in their hey-day ('94?) in Springfield, MO. This guy acted like a petulant ass towards the audience. Happy 50th, asshole. Happy Friday, everyone else.

You lost me with your first sentence Rob. "Audio-visually soothing?" Fake dreads? Yeah those are awesome. And every time I hear "Round Here," at least for those first 3 seconds before I switch the station, I am compelled to seriously consider castrating myself. Thank God before I can go through with it, I have a…

I feel bad for all of the Miami fans who... never mind.

Here's a Vine of Mike Redmonds presser I just watched:

That quote was edited.

"Arian, can you tell us what kept you out?"

This is something you don't see every day.