You’ve got a very nice speaking voice. 

I remember when this film came out and everything about it suggested it would be awful beyond belief. British gangster film, post Guy Ritchie’s little mini revival, shot by an advertising director, starring Ghandi, Lovejoy and f**king Ray Winstone. Everyone else thought the same so it flopped. Then it turned up on…

Shut up you c**t. 

Girls or boys? 

YEAH I’LL PUT IT OUT SANCHO, SO LONG AS YOU DON’T MIND ME CUTTING YOUR HAND OFF AND USING IT AS AN ASHTRAY

Well, that was a terrible article about a great film. YOU’VE MADE IT LOOK LIKE A RIGHT C**T

That’s by far the best, so I’d stop there. 

Sam Neill is an all-time great terrible actor. His work in Possession will never be matched. 

The corpse of Jimmy Saville could be a good choice. Or is that too heavy handed for playing a paedophile rapist?

Still one of the ugliest films I’ve ever seen.

He means the writing sucked, I assume. 

This sits quite nicely alongside David Cronenberg’s drag racing movie, Fast Company. 

Cocksucker Blues, anyone?

For people from certain backgrounds and ages in the UK, Alan Partridge is by far and away the obvious answer here. It’s long since replaced Python as the quota franca. They do it on purpose, Lynn.

If someone suggests meeting at ‘1900 hours’ I like to reply, ‘So that’s in what, 50 hours? 120 hours?’

I still say ‘what a savings’ quite a lot, usually to blank responses admittedly. If the deal is especially rubbish, I might even break out the full ‘By Grabthar’s hammer… what a savings’

Bitches, leave. 

Is that like the corporate synergy where readers of the Root and Deadspin can come and call Kobe Bryant a rapist on your site?

Feel like makin’ love to yoooooooooooou.

Feel like makin’ love!