“If you lend us $2000, we’ll pay you $1500 rent immediately.”

Not riding your bike (or driving your car) to keep the miles down for resale value is like not f***ing your girlfriend to keep it fresh for the next guy.

Yeesh walking into a harley dealership to ask about their buells was ridiculous back when I did it. Like suddenly you aren’t worth looking at as a customer because you don’t want to dress like a pirate and slow down traffic on a thirty thousand dollar gas powered noisemaker.

America’s id laid bare turns out to look like a scared, poor, paranoid, racist old man taking a runny shit while reading bullshit on facebook.

EDIT: I was so pissed, I posted before finishing the article and have added “the honor of being the final ALL-CAPS rant of the article” to my new, favorite Chargers memory.

I’m praying that Raiders fans buy the place out for the Chargers home opener against the Dolphins. I would furiously pleasure myself to that.

I refuse to click on NFL twitter highlights. Fuck the NFL.

Any time I see this I always picture him giving McConaughey’s speech from A Time To Kill

I’m leaving my NFL fandom behind, forever. But I’m not really done, I’ll never really be done. Because I’m keeping the hat.

Jesus that last paragraph was fantastic.

The Chargers introducing their new logo was the branding equivalent of a guy asking his wife to try anal for the first time.

He knows not of this iPad of which you speak. Barron has the only laptop because he’s the one who knows the Cyber.

GOLIATH ONLINE

What if it’s a robot tank?

Right? makes you really think just how many people there out there can separate their desire for morbid entertainment with morality.

He never specified which red zone.

It would be a smart idea for you to shut the fuck up and go back to fixing the Slurpee machine.

The Jets preview is always one of my favourites. Cleveland and Jacksonville just make me sad.

My friend who’s a Jets fan wears a T-Shirt every gameday that says “Jet The Fuck Up.” Jets fans are so used to being ridiculed for their choice in team that they created a nonsensical saying in retaliation to the heckling.