Trying to come up with boy band puns, but all my ideas suck a FATONE.

I prefer lye. The germs can’t get under your skin if there’s no skin is what I always say!

If only Paris and Barron could be implicated in a murder while there...this could easily become the best murder mystery of all time. Like Agatha Christie on acid.

I would have taken far better care of that cocaine.

This poem is always worth posting; “Rape Joke” by Patricia Lockwood.

He was so extra. Even my dog was like, “Am I watching ‘The Notebook?’ What the hell is this shit?’” Labradors are so fiesty!

I can’t tell you how frequently people don’t catch it when I joke that I have my law degree from SVU.

The artist who cried, “Art!”

They do, but they’re always quasi-matching and kinda sinister looking. Not like resting bitchface or “Hurr durr why don’t women smile more”, but like they’re lowkey plotting something ominous.

She also supposedly delivered the baby with one push, so maybe airplanes are conducive to the act of birthing.

They’ve definitely got a dad thing. And not a young, fun kindergarten dad thing but like a careworn, droopy eye, smells of gin and cigar dad thing. None of my business but I do kind of wonder who left them with that fun little bit of pathology.

They’ve certainly got a type.

but isn’t it interesting that Condo settled his divorce on Wednesday?

I’m waiting for Kim to produce evidence that shows Taylor Swift bought a million dollars worth of bottled water in Flint to be poured out in Louisiana.

Brooklyn Beckham wore a shirt.

Hot men seeking sex with each other is probably the oldest Olympian tradition still on the go. I’m pretty sure the ancient Olympics started as a vast man-on-man orgy before slowly incorporating non-sexual sports into the mix.

Angelina and Jen Pregnancy Mix-Up Scare: Whose Egg is Whose?

So.. you’re telling me we could have had TASSELS?!

I remember when my Mom took me to see Ani Difranco for my birthday. I had so much fun and we just danced and danced. It was an event where I realized how cool my Mom was.