Doctor: Patrick, you are cleared for contact.

How the fuck does something this stupid get out of the grey so quickly?

This so dumb. If it's so hot, why wrap yourself in a blanket?

This also would've been a good time to post about the most-fun small club: Crystal Palace. They keep getting results against big clubs, their fans go crazy through the entirety of every home match, and they're the most American team in England (cheerleaders, bald eagle mascot). What more do you need?

Christ, another Arseneault post. Thank you, Kyle “Greg Howard” Wagner.

DIVE.

More than shedding a few pounds, I think he needs to think about losing an I.

But did they preserve the rats as big as pigs!?

See, Donovan McNabb was right. There are no ties in football.

Skyline chili: right in yr mouf.

Not exactly Tyus Edny stuff (which happened twenty years ago today).

"Snubbed again!"

"I've got a family to feed!"

The most tiresome articles in soccer journalism are the ones about strikers not scoring enough. And you made one 3x longer than they usually are!

I had a feeling this match would produce the tears of a clown, I just assumed they would be David Luiz's.

Which of these will they serve "balled up"?

Climbing up that list: Nikola Mirotic.

"You're right, officer, I have no business invading the pitch."

Nene, Nene

Johnson: Would you like to see Sunderland?