Jesus, when did the Deadspin comments get overrun with racists? This is pathetic.

Alcoholic Person Patrick Kane Can't Remember Cup Winning Goal

Equivelant: blunt rolling at the laundromat

Real Betis not going well? And they say there is a match fixing problem.

Oh, thank god. [continues drinking at the best bar in Brooklyn]

As I inspect a map of New York City, looking for empty spaces to build a soccer stadium, I can't help but wonder, "where is Brooklyn at?"

Hey, once Arsenal lure Roberto Martinez away from Everton, his old position will be open.

Exactly four days? So, if I'm doing my math right, you're using Opening Day (III of IV) as your starting point?

And so we enter the dystopian future as predicted in the speculative fiction of Margaret Atwood.

Shout out to Adam Silver for writing this memo. One of the dopest memos I've ever read. U got pigs walking up right windmill dunks n more!

Does Klinsmann really need to see DaMarcus Beasley again? You'd think he'd have an idea how he plays after Beasley's 114 USMNT caps.

I always thought the White Sox were the most popular team in LA.

Back to being Kansas fa...oh wait.

My favorite dickgoal this weekend was Wayne Rooney's.

Canevari's Nae Nae is fine but how is his footwork?

I thought the most important piece of info from the press conference was that if his health was better, Phil would be down under playing Aussie rules with Luc Longley instead.

I'm just glad we'll never have to see him play baseball again.

Perhaps the match was cancelled because the Dynamo players were chicken?

He could've gotten back on the court more quickly if he had run through the comments section of this post.

They had little kids playing there before the game. Patrick Kane scored a couple goals.