This is such an intelligent, well-thought out and constructed response that I am surprised Jezebel hasn't banned you yet.

The more I read about this the more upsetting it becomes. It would appear this girl has serious mental and/or emotional problems.

Foreign policy? Hopefully bombing the fuck out of Texas and Mississippi.

Oh, like not fucking eating is a sign of "determined leadership". Fuck that. If I was at that conference table, I would have eaten three slices before Roger would have slipped off his loafers.

Avril Lavigne has genital herpes.

Why have there been no articles on Deadspin about CM Punk signing with the UFC? Considering you guys covered his recent podcast, I would think that kind of story would be right up your alley.

Sio Moore: "Bitch-ass motherfucker!"

How about a copy of the S.C.U.M Manifesto and a giant strap on?

I've always gone with "ax wound".

I'm not sure I know what that means.

Not that one. She looks like a mash-up of Dirk Nowitzski and Paris Hilton

Jesus, the Saints are taking this bounty thing WAY too far.

Damn, I wouldn't count on it. I mean I don't have a net worth of $40 million.

This is the only member of the British Royal Family I'd want to fuck.

Breadstick Guy is better than 50% of all the writers on Gawker and Jezebel combined.

LOLWUT?