Lock them up.

Oh, so you heard my speech to the TV as well? We can co-author our paper.

TBF, we’ve all known Alabama is a garbage fire for decades now.

I find your research intriguing and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

CAN’T YOU LET US BE HAPPY FOR ONE DAMN MINUTE?!?

Yes.

Doesn’t change the fact that almost half the voting population voted for him. Beyond gross.

I was a political science major, and I have been doing a lot of thinking about what a Jones upset would mean. It’s pretty significant, and requires a fair amount of nuanced thinking. So I apologize in advance if this gets kind of dense and long, but here’s the analysis of someone who studies and thinks about this…

Alabama shows it has a tiny amount of basic human decency left by not electing a child molester to the Sentate by the thinnest of margins.

Congratulations Alabama!

Birmingham swooping in for the save. I felt tears in my eyes when I saw it.

I hate to resort to capitals, but a quick note to Bannon, McConnell, Trump and the rest:

Holy shit. It was not fun watching Roy Moore hold a lead for the entire night. Though it was satisfying to have it reverse with less than 10% of precincts left. Huzzah for meeting some basic level of human decency in Alabama.

I can’t get over the idea that they sell marshmallows for more than a dollar EACH. If they want to sell “floaters” how about dark chocolate ones that come in rounded clumps. Put them in people’s drinks and see if anyone will touch them.

why would you need to microwave your nuts? is this a holiday tradition I don’t know about?

Is it just me, or does that cookie decorating tool/frosting pistol look like it would be the most impossible thing in the world to actually use to decorate cookies? It’s unwieldy as hell, and other than just shooting frosting into your mouth, there’s no way it would actually be useful.

*Mother starts to open gift*
Mother: “What the hell is this?”
Me: “It’s Smeg, ma!”

Everyone knows that the Latke Starter is the 12 year old that has been acting shitty and therefore has to peel the potatoes.

My mother has one of those Jura espresso machines (not that exact one but very similar) and it is fucking butt. The lattes from McDonalds are better. Do not buy a Jura espresso machine.

How much is the employee discount?