Your lede is bad and you should feel bad. Frankly the only gift in this is that his wreck affected no one other than himself. 

I felt bad that maybe I *had* stolen from you, but upon further inspection of the grey comments, you made zero fart jokes, my friend. Zero.

You forgot all the ones with inherited wealth.

Goodfellas came out in 1990. Boomers were well of age at that point. Blaming Scorcese for Trump and his ilk is an idiotic take. 

The most annoying thing about the Yankees road uniforms? That they don’t have the player’s name on the back as if to say “We’re the FRACKIN’ YANKEES! You should know who we are even if we’re another team field!” It’s not 1927 anymore and the only Yankee that other teams’ fans know by sight is taller than half the NBA.

Bruce Willis is dead.

The movie came out in 1973, the time in which spoilers matter is debatable but definitely less that 46 fucking years.

I got an electric smoker a few years ago, and I have thoroughly enjoyed throwing slabs of meat in it and eating them four hours later. But I hereby announce that everything I smoke from now on will be “gershmoked”.

I saw an NFL OWNER cheesehead hat during MNF last week. If you own one of these, or if you bought a certificate that says you’re a part-owner of one, please go jump into a vat of molten steel.

Rosebud is a sled.

At my grandparents house growing up, there would always be 2 or 3 cardboard box lids containing whole walnuts and nutcrackers. That’s what you did while sitting on the couch watching tv. It was just part of the normal experience of visiting the grandparents.

He called Wayne Gretzky TROTSKY! I fucking love him!

You switched the samples!

Elizabeth’s grandpa sounds great. The McRib detail really elevates it.

You switched the play sheets!

What about the Cardinals who have mean home whites?

RDU-90!!!

Five cans for twenty bucks is most assuredly NOT a “cheap beer.”

“He looks like Jim Halpert playing Ed Sheeran in a biopic.”

My aunt goes to the counter and asks for “gershmoked” meat and cheese