The Browns are sorely missing wide receiver Rashard Higgins, out four weeks with a knee injury, and had to make do instead with Antonio Callaway,

But that’s not how the...

I’m a 51 year old man who owns a lightsaber, several droids, a robotic dinosaur, and at least 3 pairs of Star Wars boxers - one of which I am currently wearing.

Special bike for that!

Ahem. That’s Barry L Bonds

The only thing in this article that I completely believe:

That said, the following are all real:

bear
ever
national
governing body
have
a process
Zwift
I HAVE TO LEAVE AGAIN

Cycling? No my dear Patrick, this story was a rollercoaster.

Since this is obviously a made up story, in order to make it easier for everyone else to separate fact from fiction here, I’ve taken the liberty of going through the entire article and highlighting the things that are obviously make believe so readers coming after me can focus on the aspects of the article that may be…

PC Builders can’t be wrong, the lights make it go faster.

Japan is a regional competitor to China. China may have interpreted their presence in Tokyo as an anti-Chinese move, especially after Morey’s tweet.

Japan and China have a...checkered history with one another. I would assume he’s saying that the Rockets’ presence in Tokyo is not supposed to mean that they are “choosing sides” or doing anything anti-China.

What’s most jarring to me is how quickly they jump from “STOP BEING POLITICAL” to “OH MY DEAR CHINA DID THAT MEAN TWEET HURT YOU?” It’s so unbelievably transparent and hypocritical, and in a just world they’d get absolutely raked through the coals. But alas. Alas.

Early 2000's Hollywood agent who didn’t appreciate the brilliance of Walking Tall or Major League 2: [fires Rock, Epps]

This is completely untrue. The NBA absolutely cares about Andrew Jackson and Ben Franklin and Chairman Mao and other people who appear on currency.

In a shocking development, Adam Silver and the NBA are no more socially conscious or woke than Goodell and the NFL. It’s just that their pressure points come from mainland China rather than MAGA jorts territory.

You barely get to live in the world at all—much less run a multibillion dollar business with global ties and partnerships of varying degrees—without there being a political undertone to most of your actions.

3 offensive possessions into the season Jay was leading the Eagles 17-0 in Philly probably thinking to himself “Man, this is gonna be a goooood year!”

Snyder seems like the kind of guy who would drag him in at 5 A.M. to fire him and make him pay for parking because, you know, free parking is for employees only.