Are you new here? Welcome to Deadspin.

Would you believe this took me six hours to get? +1

I loved this column. One of the best I've read on Deadspin in ages.

That's beautiful. +1

In Bielema's defense, the person in the pic could be mistaken for any Wisconsin male between 40-50.

No on worst president. Not as long as Franklin Pierce and Warren Harding were around. Coincidentally or not, both Pierce and Harding were heavy drinkers, Harding during Prohibition. I also believe Harding could have been murdered by his wife, but that's a story for another time.

I was a history major. I've done some research on this, and I believe Buchanan was gay. A ex-fiancee of his committed suicide shortly after the engagement was called off.

Perhaps, but why doesn't he go to Cal for that? Or UCLA last year?

This sure seems like a lateral move to me.

Ask Rudy. Deadspin has taken the little guy to task on his sports drink.

That footage is old enough for three things:

It was started by NFL Films. The Cowboys' 1978 highlight film was titled "America's Team", although Gil Brandt has claimed he came up with the name.

Gregg Easterbrook says:

Mine reads 1969, so be quiet, whippersnapper.

This team has won, what, one playoff game since Super Bowl XXX?

Moneyballs

Please note that the sombreros are usually green and gold, with the occasional cardinal and white thrown in. Most Green Bayers (Bay-ites?) wouldn't be caught dead in purple.

Your snark betrays your true feelings, young Scocca.

Judging how both teams are defense-oriented, neither team may get to 20.

Aw, hell. What a bad sports day. R.I.P. Coach Majerus.