You know, I see the headline for dong-shaped Easter treats and I’m all excited to read the article and hurry over to Aldi - only to find out they’re only in the UK. Come on, man. Don’t be a dong-shaped Easter treat tease like that.

Houseplants are extra lovely when glasses of water are sitting next to them with a soggy paper towel wicking water into the pot. Just lovely. Look, if you can’t water a plant, don’t get a plant.

Smoke some weed. Have a drink. Masturbate. Better yet, have actual sex with another human. You may combine these things any way you see fit or enjoy them individually. There. Now, isn’t that better?

Well, I found a very good salsa at Dollar Tree, so I’m down with that. The baking mixes referenced are TINY boxes, by the way. A single layer cake, an 8 inch brownie tray, etc. Sunny D is a good buy, and the other drinks mentioned. Tried some croutons - little bricks - tooth breakers - never again. Baked beans from…

Eh. Yeah, but it’s not a big deal. More of a problem is simply using old gas that has not been treated with stabilizer. Most people treat gas for outdoor equipment and it’s usually used up before it degrades even if it’s not treated. Dispose of old gas? There’s no need for that. A couple gallons of older gas,…

People were “advised” to “suck a mint or a candy” while wearing their masks so they didn’t have to smell their own stank mouth. Perhaps they got used to the mints and ditched the gum. It’s not my thing, all that chomping and let me tell you: it looks gross on you. Gum chewing in your car, in your home, in places where…

How about I write an article about what you SHOULD do to your lawn? Here goes: do nothing. Lawns are bullshit. They’re a waste of water, time and money. OK, you can mow it. That’s enough. You’re done!

As if some scented goo is going to help with DIAPERS. Yeah, there’s no solution for that. And I further call bullshit on this making a dent in rotting food stench. But the question is - why are you putting material that decays in big bags that sit around for a week before trash day? I mean, don’t we all smartly have a…

I rapidly scrolled through this mega bullshit because, of course, it takes but three seconds to know this is a horrible, stupid, very, very bad suggestion. And the “article” even seems to list reasons why you’d be a fool to attempt this but, you know, my stomach was near to vomiting from what little I did read and I…

>> The TikTokers tend to suffer for their art <<

Of course. Blame TV shows and movies and let’s not forget childhood trauma. Because you’re inability to see that you’re having a fling and not a romance is not your fault at all - there absolutely must be something to relieve you of any common sense and responsibility for your own lack of insight into your…

I prefer to enjoy eating pain-free, not sweating, and not shitting lava the following day. Call me crazy.

Yeah, a big pass on this piece of garbage.

There are people who don’t have WD40? I refuse to believe that.

Don’t tempt me with toilet chili. I’ll do it, I swear.

Lifehacker wants you DEAD. If it’s not suggesting pouring boiling water into your gutters (nope, never quitting on that one), it’s telling you to sniff rubbing alcohol. OK, probably you won’t die from a hit of isopropyl but... you want to trade nausea for a migraine, guess I can’t stop you. Smart people will take a…

I very much want to meet the two or three people who vacuumed a shitload of coins....

Wall Dog screws.

At least this time we get a warning that - believe it or not - some dogs will chew and eat the towels and this is dangerous. Unlike being told to pour boiling water into your gutters, which still blows me away.

If you’re an adult who doesn’t know how to compliment someone, don’t worry - people are used to you being a jerk. They’re ignoring you. Maybe smiling while they do it, but still ignoring you.