Anyone trying to work out a scam to get an Aldi cart without the quarter is just... well, a piece of shit. It’s standard procedure for people to pass their cart to someone else. I kind of dread the moment when I have to wave away the quarter they offer me. It just depends on who you run into on the way in or out.…

The examples of what to say to get consent are hysterical. “I’m feeling frisky...” Ugh. Barf. But this is all for straight people. Thankfully we gay men don’t have to concern ourselves with this foolishness. If a dick pic doesn’t show up in the first ten minutes, he’s done. It’s pretty much required. As for “sexting”…

Thank heavens this is here to remind people they will need dishes and utensils in their kitchen! And pots and pans! Who would have thunk it? I remember when I was a young man and just putting together my first kitchen. I was so lost. I put the sofa in the kitchen and the bed - didn’t work out too well. What was I…

Anchovy paste is a good idea, too, should you not want to mess with the whole fish. Which I do not.

“A delicious fusion.” Fine, I’m sold. I’ll try one.

Well, it takes a little time and repeated visits to get the hang of each store’s layout. I go to several different places regularly for various things and I’ve learned who has the best prices on certain items. So I put my criticisms on hold and just deal with it, though I have no objections to complaints in general.…

Lindsey repeated wants to cause serious bodily harm to people. I wonder why? Pour boiling water in your gutters - easy! Just get up on the roof or a ladder with a pot of boiling water and dump it in! Because that sounds safe. If that doesn’t land you in the emergency room, try ammonia in your oven all night long just…

This makes me sad.

Perhaps the only recent BAN of anything (from the left or from the right) that I can get behind. Hell, make it 16 years old! Plenty of people have “no kids” weddings and other adult gatherings. Eating out in peace is... well, it’s damn nice. And, of course, I blame shitty parents for the shitty behavior of their…

Imagine being so sensitive that you’d get uptight about this. No need to imagine, it happens constantly. The days of All in the Family and Joan Rivers insult concerts are over because, you know, delicate sensibilities, power trips and, of course, the inability to let anything go, even when it’s directed at one of the…

I’m only here to apologize to everyone who just might have read my comments from a few weeks ago that I was sure Night Court would be a hit. OMG, it’s atrocious. I couldn’t imagine them effing it up but they did. It’s very rare I’m ever wrong but, boy, howdy, big time on that one.

You’ll want a shovel or mini-shovel in your vehicle to dig away under tires if needed. Cat litter also helpful, the cheap ass old style stuff, not the sandy types most people use these days. 

Just to be clear, we could, conceivably, walk to another room to retrieve the hair spray. I mean...

Oh, look. Another non-issue made into a trans issue. I’d like to know how an extremely fractional minority gets to scare everyone else into being afraid of speaking? And, oops, now “sir” and “ma’am” is also a throwback to slave owning. Uh... spare me, OK? It’s up to trans people to tell us what they prefer. End of…

Where is the author meeting these vile, unclean individuals? And does anyone think they are here, reading this, and suddenly changing their mind about, oh, say, not washing their ass? 

Sure, we have the time to gently wipe down every leaf with coconut oil. And, uh... how does putting grease on leaves keep them clean when it will attract and hold dust? 

Name tags are ignored by 99% of everyone. Please, don’t try to sell it that deli customers are being too familiar. And if they do use your name - you can blame your employer for the name tag requirement. It’s insulting to be addressed by your name? Uh - you must be nuts if you think that’s offensive. It’s also part of…

Myth: Lube is only for penis/vagina sex???

Welcome to Lifehacker, where you are doing EVERYTHING WRONG. You stupid fuck.

Oh, no! My collection of hand-blown, decorative dildos has to go? They take up two shelves in the living room! Very lovely, catching the light from the afternoon sun streaming through the windows. I paid a pretty penny for them, too. Great conversation starter - not sure why I wouldn’t want to talk to all my guests…