Well, let’s hope anyone who buys used cars already knows this stuff, which seems likely. But it applies to then and now - and now, if you can avoid it, don’t even bother trying to find something decent because yes, those 6K Toyotas are about all you’re going to get. And worse. One thing I’ll note from previous…

Doesn’t apply to me. Benefits of being an asshole.    :)

EVERYONE KNOWS YOU ARE POOPING NO MATTER WHAT.

I’m gonna take a dump, then a shower, then watch one of the many shows waiting on my DVR, because who doesn’t have a million shows on their DVR and frankly, I know you all have to take a dump, too.

Usually, a quick hand job in the basement or bathroom prior to dinner does the trick. They think you like them but they won’t make eye contact, either. Just get it over with fast, rinse off and all’s well.

Just look at all these repulsive replies from douchebags who think their opinion must be shared and adopted. Fuck off. The Olympics aren’t going anywhere. Shut up and don’t watch. Social media makes it “cool” to hate the Games, for whatever insipid reasons. Divorce your politics from sport. Enjoy the best athletes on…

Nope, and goodbye. Value your floors and carpets more than your guests? Then talk to your floors and carpets. Alone. No, I’m serious. Only, only, only if you have very close friends or relatives who are totally down for keeping a pair of slippers or some shit at your place do you let people remove their shoes - or ask…

No drugs involved - except the trazodone and I think it was clonazapam - too lazy to google it. Which, you know, are drugs, but since a doctor doped him up, totally cool, let’s not even mention it. This combo almost certainly caused the fall that killed him. And maybe he really “needed” the pills - or maybe not.…

If you are planning on giving a handjob while eating (or while waiting for your order), sit side by side. Also applies to fingering under the skirt. If you are not going to do this until after dinner, sit across from each other like normal people do. Easy.

FFS with this shit. Really? National Enquirer much, Lifehacker? For shame, Sarah.

Correct, person somewhere down there who points out that WD40 makes white lithium grease, so hush up peanut gallery jumping on a thin sliver of blue in the photo.

NO adult over the age of 21 should ever use the pseudoword “hangry” or any derivation of such.

Vile stuff, but, hey! This harkens back to the Lifehacker days of yore, so that’s nice. Mush up that soap, pick the hairs out, don’t tell anyone the green sliver has been in your butthole - economize! Or give the kids something to do with the family on Saturday night as you all cook down old, crusty soap scraps! Ah,…

How much PDA is acceptable in a gay bathhouse? Adult theater? How about a general sex maze for all sexualities? Looking forward to the next article.

Besides your cold mailbox, I’m sure USPS will properly store and ship all those test kits at the precise temperature range. Just kidding.

Oh, sounds lovely. Coffee grounds all over. And half a gallon of alcohol concoction, huh? OK, double that, triple it, then do it a hundred times. Easy! Just scrape up what it failed to melt and hey, be careful not to slip on the dishsoap! You’re gonna love the sand, too. Won’t be a problem. Trust me.

The moment I see the word “cis”, not long after followed by “heteronormativity”, my eyes glaze over and roll into the back of my skull for a moment while I ponder the pending psychological catastrophe and coupled outrage that the author is soon to express.

Jesus, please make Wordle stop. Make it stop. Make it stop.

Fuck. No. Don’t do this and if you do, don’t invite me over, don’t invite anyone over, don’t let it be seen in photographs, never admit to it and probably see a priest or therapist or both to get the help you clearly need. Tacky, sticky, motherfucking ugly contact paper is OK for shelf liner and that - is - it!

It took me five seconds of her first appearance to note she was trans - OMG, kill me for seeing that. My thought was, “hey, fucking cool!” My buddy had no idea until I told him a week later. He immediately googled it to verify. Admittedly, every show, her being trans crossed my mind, but it still ended with “fucking…