Scrimshaw and chill

Obviously these are skewed toward children of the rich judging by their homes, but did anyone notice how shitty their Christmas trees looked? We might not have gotten swanky toys, but at least our tree was decorated nicely.

YES to Friends to the End!!! I still remember those shitty songs. “Does anybody hear me!?”

Is she actually an idiot or is she just brainwashed? I’m hoping brainwashed. I cannot fathom staying with any partner on earth if I found out he was a child molester.

Why would putting up with a horrible husband make her a better woman than one that would leave his sorry ass?

Hey, couch-fucking is a victimless crime. Don’t bring us into this!

Well, the bright side to that is that I’m pretty sure you can’t renew your passport if you have an open warrant against you, so if/when that time comes, he’s hosed, at least.

Considering how that crowd rolls, kid's gonna have to make due with prayers.

THANK YOU for the EGAE love. I have that soundtrack on vinyl, and the dress I wore to my grad school was a replica of the pink fluffy one she wore at the end. PEAK Goldblum hotness right there.

I'm fine with just crowning him king of my vagina.

Can we just crown Jeff Goldblum the king of big budget sci-fi/horror cult/camp and get it over with?

I was so happy to ungrey this one. Praying I never encounter one of those dicks in the wild.

Why does a newborn baby need a Twitter account? I'm 32 and I don't even have a Twitter account.

“No. Do you make crackers Brian?”

Hit up used book stores for old church group cook books, those things where everyone contributes one recipe. Anything published before 1990 is a vertiable goldmine for horrific jello salads and aspics.

And all the KALE. Future generations will think our obsession with Kale was an experiment by the government paid for by the kale lobby. For god sakes people, spinach is just as good for you and it tastes like and has the texture of food!

My mom makes lime jello with walnuts, pineapple chunks, cottage cheese and whipped cream. It's so good! But I'm the only one who eats it

Starred for no IPAs

I promise I’ll try to keep up with the Wonkette BCO and recipe comments as much as I can, purely for you guys. By the way, all of you should tune in next Monday. There won’t be a BCO here, but I’ve got something else special planned for you all for my last day.

One 24-year-old woman told me that her boyfriend broke up with her because ‘he told me that I wasn’t girlfriend material because I had been with 10 guys