Freezer? Dry ice. The glass too. You want that look of surprise when she can’t get her lip unstuck.

When I was studying anatomy in college we were taught to have the utmost respect for the bodies and body parts when touching and manipulating them, because someone who was once alive allowed us the privilege of learning from their remains. When we used lab animals for teaching purposes, we were called on to have the…

My sister and I both went to a pretty cool sleep away camp in North Carolina one summer. I was 9 or 10, so she was 12 or 13. She had gone before, but this was my first time. It was 6 weeks, and the camp was basically a whole mountain top. I loved it! I went on this 2 or 3 day hike/camping trip with a group, which I…

I brought Baby Birdy to lunch today. She behaved really well until the very end. And after about two minutes of trying to soothe her, I was just like “No, I’m not gonna be one of those people” and put her in the car with A/C while I went back in and paid the bill. I’d rather cut my meal short, get the rest to go, and…

OR, some people aren’t good at mating for life.

Not really on topic, but where you mortified when “corn-holing” became a term for throwing beanbags into holes in wood? At my old job they had corn-holing tournaments and I just didn’t...

“I’ll have some Jizzlers, a box of Reese’s Penises, Mike an Dykes, and of course, a box of Cunts, please.”

Counter: Fucke That.

Oceans 401(k)?

When has ‘young man found dead on property of internationally famous actor’ ever NOT been news?

We don’t swim in your grave, please don’t die in our pool? (And sorry. I’m done with the dark humor.)

or that it was just a rumer?

Is it wierd that I totally forgot that Teen Mom Farrah Abraham was actually a mom?

It’s called having a “frap”.

That’s one of the worst parts. Should I put it in just to be prepared, in case? Oh God I wasn’t expecting this, I have to go put it in. OH NO I DON’T HAVE IT WITH ME OH GOD. I’m not comfortable making him wait but I’m stuck in this bathroom until I can get it in right...

Once when I was 7 or so I was exploring the drawers in my parents’ bathroom and I opened up the case to my mom’s diaphragm. I was completely at a loss. I played around with it and stretched it and poked it a bunch trying to figure out what te hell it was. The best I could come up with was that it went over your boob…

Me and my little sister are sponge babies, lol.

It's kinja, sweetie. Even when you tell it to delete, it posts.