Seriously, can’t Deadspin find one soccer writer who doesn’t write like he’s one whiskey away from ending it all to spite the bartender?

Ah, the old “the MLS sucks because it doesn’t have relegation” argument. How on earth does the lack of relegation hold back the MLS or the national team? I don’t think that relegating, say, Chicago and Houston after last season and promoting Sacramento and Red Bulls II is suddenly going to make them both better.

And how many words would this chamaco write if the US had lost?

All righty then, we are officially on the home stretch for Russia 2018!

Patrick has been fired for not referencing the extensive real-world history of ballistas being used to kill flame-breathing magical lizards the size of 747s.

That big crossbow is called a ballista. They’re a real thing, historically speaking. You can still think it’s underwhelming, but you could at least do two seconds of research before posting.

“These are the strongest vials out there. Dab” And then he dabbed.

That’s not the way I learned it. You start with a city-state, then you clear out barbarians and send out colonists. Before you know it you’re developing nuclear weapons.

My old instructor would probably have a stroke dealing with all the things Roger is “doing wrong” in this video.

However, I have to say the swinging backhand volley from deep in the court is probably one of the most insane shots I’ve ever seen. I’d honestly rate that as more difficult than hitting between your legs…

Why can’t all teens be bitter, emotionally crippled, Tom Waits-loving alcoholics like I was at 17?

Golden Boot winner of World Cup 2018?

Soccer is a team sport. It is also a weakest link sport. With Dahoud, they have fantastic support in midfield for all the forwards. If Aubameyeng is sold, they won’t miss a beat. He doesn’t make the attack. His supporting cast makes the attack. If Dortmund was some long ball club that relied on a stagnant center…

the kid from Hershey, PA has really got all the tools

I’m glad the link was to the two articles that were intentionally reactionary and sensationalistic and not countless others that weren’t.

The press tour is a disaster.

October Sky
Any of that father/son stuff and it’s Niagara Falls, Seanie angel

The dumbest part of this story is that, in the 2007 Gold Cup, Guadeloupe played Jocelyn Angloma, who had played 37 times for France in the early ‘90s, and it was absolutely fine.

He isn’t even the most overrated player on the Raptors.

That Cincinnati goalkeeper played one of the best games I’ve ever seen a goalie play. He was absolutely out of his mind all game long. It was incredible. Some MLS team needs to snatch him up pronto.

I have never had sex.