“What are you? We were all trying to guess during the meal!”

Tony’s problem is that he’s weighed down by his own expectations. “Not unattractive” is his way of saying “I’m a good looking guy, not [insert latest Hollywood hot thing here], but pretty good if I do say so myself.” So now that he seemingly can’t conjure up the sexy-guy juju at will anymore, he’s suffering.

I will be a rational man as well and swear to my dying day that Midnight in Paris sucked balls.

“...Favor...Postmates...Eat Out In...Mr. Delivery...”

I got to go to the site with some friends to meet the so-called developer back in....1994 I think? He gave us these promotional packets with all kinds of neat shit in them. I should scan and post some of it one day, just for fun.

Seriously.

Don’t leave home without it.

Yes, I know. I’m just not a Colby-ite.

Pizza, Chinese, more pizza, and generic Italian pretty much described where I live until only a few years ago.

Exactly. And when I’m out, it’s a day trip, vacation, or conference. So I’m ready to be out and about, not sitting in a room waiting for delivery.

No, The Loo. Go Mules? *shudder*

Grubhub? Seamless? Foodler?

Okay, +1 to you for that.

He’s probably a housemate of “extra extra tartar sauce” guy from last week.

From the series: Fruit of the Loom stories you never wanted to know.

Advanced Protip: Anyone asking you for money is up to no good. That includes you, PBS.

Poetry.

You left out the best part: “It turned out to be a toy that decided to talk profanity,” Merten said.

Pet stores have dog treats that look like sandwich cookies. I know they’re dog treats and I still want to go full Cookie Monster when I see them in those open bins.

Love me some Cyriak vids. “Malfunction” is my favorite.