Everything about this is just pure gold - the price, the discount, the name next to the dirt cheap price and “Made in China”... You can’t make this stuff up.

This crowd at the Warriors Thunder game is just like my refrigerator on the weekends. Less and less boos as it goes on...

Two months ago I was fired from my job for sexually harassing my boss but at a minor league hockey game yesterday I caught a t-shirt from the t-shirt cannon despite being in the nosebleeds. Redemption truly is a long and winding road, but it is rewarding.

“Take my democracy... please.”

This is so beyond fucked up, “FUCK” fails to fully represent how fucking stupid this - all of this - is.

“But mamma,” she said, wiping the chicken’s blood from her calloused hands with a soiled cloth that she cut from an old, moth-eaten bedgown. “Hezekial’s poppa will never offer a dowry for me if the Good Lord does not see fit to bless me with healthy birthing hips.”

This helps explain why people call him a real motherfucker.

High speed rail makes a lot of sense, it’s just that you poor Americans have never really seen it. The Acela Express reaches the dizzying speed of 150mph for nearly 30 miles, but the rest of the time it’s not really any quicker than the trains that were traveling the same rails 80 years ago.

Many countries have trains…

I was starting to feel old because I’m older than the majority of NFL players. I am not prepared to be older than the coaches.

3. Sweet Dee Has a Heart Attack

No way...Who got Dee Pregnant HAS to be in the top 10. This scene alone:

109. Sweet Dee’s Dating A Retarded Person (S3 E9)

NIGHTMAN COMETH IS WAY TOO LOW AT 20.

Two things he said this morning:

Since he was suspended for a full year, we know the answer is not “his wife’s face.”

Similar, yet different. I have a decent-length beard. Needed to floss one day but had nothing to use. Didn’t even go the pluck route. Simply used a beard hair to floss, wiped it off when finished and went about my day. Told this story to a co-worker and he was horrified at the thought. Whatever. He shaves daily.

I periodically need to be reminded that at one point New York had both baseball and football teams named the Giants.

Listen, if they wanted to know specifics about how things were run the person they should be talking to is the Specific Manager.

I much prefer the NFL version of highlights where I get more pop up screens than when I watch some live ass fucking porn from a brothel in Turkey.

There couldn’t have been a more appropriate finale to the year. Fuck this shit.