If Lou Lamoriello was still alive, he’d have offer-sheeted Marner for $12 million a year by this point.

and here I thought that Gas Station Dick Pills was just a reformed version of Dashboard Confessional

Do not underestimate that furry asshole. 

These all look like the names who lost in your franchise’s “Name the Team” contest.

The Houston XFL franchise already has better branding than the Texans, and they’ve existed for all of like *checks watch*... 45 minutes.

I am leaving for a week in Bethany Beach, DE on Saturday, At approximately 10 AM on Sunday morning I will cross the border into Ocean City, MD and taunt your flag. Then I will likely run away like a small girl back to the safety of Fenwick Island.

also the Maryland flag sucks. It looks like if a bunch of Teutonic Knights started a taxi company.

Cops: Who’s responsible for this?

+ 1 lazy Colorado River

I am truly (get it) amazed at the market for this. Was making your own damn vodka soda a bridge too far? It’s two fucking ingredients!

10/10. Would pet. 

generally anything over 3%

This season is going to be the equivalent of watching your junkie friend finally get clean, and then getting a job at Jordan Belfort’s Wall Street firm

https://twitter.com/AdamSchefter/status/1161013634111332353?s=20

Hey man, if I wanted to talk about something that sucks that’s rife with 90's nostalgia and has chugged along on an unearned reputation for 25 years, I’d go over to/ r/pearljam

wait until you have kids. 

“No playoffs in the EPL, huh? Where do we sign up?”

“Behind every great man in a fight, is his girlfriend squawking like a crow with laryngitis.”

Dewey Beer Co. is a revelation though

After spending a week in Dewey Beach, DE with suspect weather, I’m convinced that Redskins fans make up about 93% of the U.S. sweat pants market.