This is like complaining that there are too many genres of porn. You don’t have to jack it to everything, Albert!!!

given the way my family’s Camelbaks leak, they’d be wiped from existence in mere minutes.

Being fond of a “product,” but dealing with an asshole “fanbase” is a problem as old as organized religion.,

Counterpoint: There’s a reason why the aliens from Signs haven’t shown up yet.

I’ve programmed Alexa to tell me when my wife is approaching the front door, so I can send my girlfriend out the back door.

Didnt he leave the game last night and go into the concussion protocol?

 


I’m gonna rue this statement in, like, two months, but I think the Lions are pretty good.

Rubio used to look like a bit character in a Wes Anderson movie

The Stallion who gets mounted by the World.

Dear Players,

with a dodecahedron!

This is still a more accurate take on Superman than wither Bryan Singer or Zack Snyder.

“Once in August of 1957, the Mick fell down from taking a high hard one...”

YOU GOTTA KEEP YOUR HEAD ON A SWIVEL!!!!!

Very disappointing to see that “your Mom” didn’t make the list.

For some reason, I pictured Tyrion Lannister saying this line. And I nodded in agreement.

You’re right. This is somehow even worse than Nigel Farage in purple zubaz.

Never have your chances of contracting hepatitis been higher!

“Whatever you say, Honky Cat.”

goddammit!!