Sooooo.....the lil homie just ruined my all-you-can-eat Golden Corral Mothers Day Extravaganza lol

Not to make like of the situation, but Vagina Loogies is now the name of my new punk band.

My pants only go through one wear before I wash them, but I generally feel most comfortable when I’m wearing underwear. No judgment to those who don’t!

Oh yes, I have many terms for it. I debated between that and My Flower.

My body has decided to become VERY OBVIOUS about ovulating and there’s a glob of mucus here or there and sometimes it has a bit of blood in it and it’s just like “great, even when I’m not on my period, I gotta deal with a constant reminder that I’m gonna be soon; good thing I packed some wipes and/or clean underwear.”…

Dear Lauren,

As the Goth AF girl in high school, who is that adult who goes to the goth club once every 6-9 months who went to mortuary school several years after graduating college but then dropped out because of health reasons: yeah she won’t make it.

Since all this health-warfare around obamacare and the Republicans plan started, I keep telling myself that this discussion must be a monthy python new episode...

The problem I have is that any religious stricture that applies ONLY to women cannot therefore be freely chosen by women.

Why we Shoot Deer in the Wild

Don’t forget all the lovely psychopaths who hear “women want equal treatment” and immediately jump to “so that means we can punch an annoying bitch in the face and no one can get mad, right?”

Be careful. My uneducated guess is that the higher pain threshold allows you to push beyond your normal limits without feeling it.

Like Popeye?

If I could see that someone was going to interact with my dog before interacting with me, I would say “He bites.” Which was not technically true in the past tense, but he was so nervous, I never knew. It at least slowed down most people.

I learned a lot in the fall of 2013. About the limits of my physical and mental endurance (and how I was capable of more than I ever thought possible under duress), about how ludicrous it is the way places that are trying to help the homeless get off the street throw up a ton of barriers to prevent that very outcome…

What about the Goa’uld from SG1? They want to override your brain and put a snake in your belly and make you wear extremely questionable fashion choices. Not good!

The Borg, obviously. They mutilate you and force you to do their bidding until one day your ship is sent into a war zone as cannon fodder and you die along with 100,000 other poor abducted souls.

Just count yourself luck you aren’t poached for human horn.

As long as they're not looking to add our biological and technological distinctiveness to their own.