Monogrammed coffee thermoses.

Well, if he’s going to get into Levitical law, he’s completely screwed himself.

just cover yourself in lube when you meet her, so you will slip and slide of her hands

not that I am a person made up of twelve moles standing on each others shoulders and wearing a long coat.

Yessss, truthyfacts. I am also a mole person. By which I mean I am a person who is covered in moles and not that I am a person made up of twelve moles standing on each others shoulders and wearing a long coat.

also bitch you’ve obviously never tried to have sex while super high on that tip top chronic no lube no sex no fun in that situation

Next time I check in to a hotel I’m registering as Hiram Perbole. Just call me “Hy”.

I’m honestly disappointed because when I first heard about it on Twitter I thought it was going to Ben Carson rapping, come to find out it’s some jebroni rapping about him.

i’m not one for hyperbole but this is the best rap song ever recorded

The Asparagus clan disagrees.

The absolute worst part about this news is that I know I will do it. I know. I will wear them. They may not be JNCOs and they may not be the super-wide. But I know I will wear wide-leg jeans again. And that makes me incredibly sad. What’s worse, I’ll be behind the trend, so I’ll be wearing them when everyone else…

It’s got a certain Simone de Beau-va-va-voom.

I’M NOT GOING TO BREAK HIS JAW

As a black woman, I’ve experienced more of a love for eating pussy among black men than white men (those are the only two races I’ve been with.) I mean, maybe I’m just generalizing, but when black men talk about sex with women they just don’t talk about fucking, but they talk about how much they love being champs of…

This is the truest truth. I actually come easier and much harder from vaginal intercourse. But if a guy doesn’t attempt, without prompting, to mouth schuck my giggle oyster I'm pretty much done.

Wait is that what step up is about? Isn't that also the plot of save the last dance? Haha which BTW I LOVED save the last dance for some reason

Just turned 45. Is my advanced degree going to save me?!?

I can't wait for the Pauly Shore section of the theme park.

We’re completely okay! I wasn’t bothered at all. :)

This is an unfortunate oversimplification that crops up whenever religion or religious individuals are involved in something like this. Religion has plenty to do with this, in the sense that every religion is a construct of human ideas that can easily modify the behavior of individuals that hold them to be true.

While…