“We’re not paying that much money to have black people live in the building.” If it’s white tenants only, it’s clean. I know it’s a little bit racist...

WHY DO WE HAVE SO MANY DOLLAR COINS THIS IS RIDICULOUS

44 year old reader flinching in solidarity with you. Get off my lawn, rapscallions!

Yes, because paper money isn’t really paper; it’s fabric. It washes and dries just fine.

If we’re talking money hotties then Alexander Hamilton is my bae, now and forever.

I’m not a human, I’m a ringtone!

I think our next behind closed ovens should feature commenters not getting super obvious jokes.

Before I moved from NYC to SoCal the idea of any kind of seafood and a taco struck me as absolutely disgusting. Now... I feel profound sadness for my friends who do not enjoy deep friend fish tacos with white sauce on a weekly basis. Pure magic.

Well maybe where that guy came from they’d paved paradise and put up parking lots, so he doesn’t know the difference.

Who is amber rose?......Who are you? Who is that houseplant? Who is a chair?

Thank you so much for not only making this but telling me you did it in excel. My days of “Hey could you photoshop this for me...” are over. I’ll just yell at them, EXCEL IT YOURSELF!

Ah jeez, please NO! (pleads this Knob Creek sycophant) As was amply outlined above, “real” (capital-B) Bourbon is produced only in Kentucky, USA. That kack from Tennessee is “Tennessee whiskey”. Per the Wikiverse:

I kept reading it as “PO-TEEEEE-TO’S”

The question isn’t cake vs pie.

Or they could just take a page from Drop Dead Diva and make a Pake. Problem solved

“Why is there a lake there?” would make much mors esne if the lake hadn’t been there the last time this lady visited. Like, I don’t know, the Jurassic period or whenever.

Sir must be from Liarsville because everybody everywhere calls Tanqueray “Tank” (not Tito’s) for short.

i do still get extra nice treatment at my local home depot after the ranting customer in the garden center once turned around and asked me to validate his commitment to the idea that the cashier have all the SKU’s for patio stones memorized after he’d been calling her stupid for two minutes solid. i told him he was…

“I also always left the bills out on top of the clips in the register drawer until the person took back their change”

This. And I counted up, not down (i.e. Total is 4.75, they give me a 10, I give them change and then a five and go “5 and 10.”