I’m old enough to remember when Jordan owned Cleveland (among other locations in his real estate portfolio). I think the last time was in 1993, or thereabouts. It’s hard to remember for sure now. Anyway, I doubt people in Cleveland ever imagined that someday, one of their own would be Jordan’s peer and do the same…

Bauer is a dumbass, but Houston has had more PED suspensions this year than any other organization the last time I checked. 2 out of 3 were pitchers.

He’s climbin’ through your strike zones,
snatchin’ yo hitters up,
tryin’ to take ‘em and he’s gonna
slide your Ks, slide your drives

I choose to believe that this greentext from 4chan about Bauer is 100% true.

So I assume he told the guys in his own dugout not to score anymore? I mean, it was in exceptionally bad taste to keep scoring even after one of the White Sox pitchers collapsed in the dugout with a ruptured intracranial aneurysm, right?

In short: “Indian” is an archaic usage, although “American Indian”, i.e., is still in common usage.

He clearly shoved that ump The Right Way™. Had he done it any other way it would be an ejection, suspension, and/or a fine.

Hell yeah, I started Marty Foster today in my Bullshit-Umpires-Do fantasy league. Ejections are 5 points, egregiously bad ones are worth 10.

America was never as good as you previously thought it was, and it’s not as bad as you currently think it is.

I mean, sure it looks bad but we should really wait for the New York Times to interview these people to see if they’re sad about a steel mill closing.

Now that the Red Sox and both Chicago teams have won Series’ recently we really need a fun name for Cleveland’s struggles that’ll bring back some of that fun Billy Goat-Bambino stuff that Baseball’s so good at.

Which is a good opportunity to post one of my favorite memes ever:

“And don’t forget Giancarlo Stanton.”

In the spirit of Holy Week:

Pretty sure TGI Fridays invented the Everything Piled Into One Big Puke-Mug Milkshake 20 years ago at least.

I just love it when my phone autocorrects “is” to “isn’t.”

Obviously, those of us reading this article don’t know if the correct call was made because we can’t see a different replay angle, but if the review team did see one and it shows that the runner was out, I don’t see how anything about this was “bullshit.”

Replay doesn’t suck, that slide sucked. Got tagged on the sleeve before his awful slide managed to reach the plate.

Fuck, you write a whole reasonable piece and I almost start to agree with you and then you make an exception for Bruce Fucking Springsteen? If anybody needs their shit cut to a reasonable length it’s acts that ooze self-importance.