They’re printing organ tissue now, everything is going to be fine, just fine.

He is indeed number two.

You didn’t learn about the thigh gap formula in high school geometry?

My mood regarding our current state of affairs has gone from depression and anger to a near constant state of laughter. Everything is terrible and apparently hilarious.

So...I hope you don’t have any teens living nearby because that outdoor arrangement - while awesome, is ripe for some ursine ménage à trois.

Bindi Irwin.

It did take quite a bit of concentration not to mengele that triple axis, though.

It should also be noted that Lorena misheard the verbal instructions, after twisting and pulling it, she cut it.

It’ll be a miscavige of justice if she isn’t awarded that paltry sum.

Seriously. I get that this will most likely make me a hypocrite, but the alternative is too fucking horrifying.

Those that work near Pier 39 would be my guess. It’s certainly not a struggle to find Magikarp there.

They’re just repeating history. On Thursday, genocide will be characterized as a blessed, bountiful harvest.

I guess we will have to wait until January for an Urban Outfitters spokesperson to cite the hundreds of treaties the U.S. Government violated with Native Americans as precedent for not following through with this settlement.

He took a loeb blow, hasn’t been the same since.

At least he’s not taking his eyes off the road, you gotta crawley before you can drive.

As the great philosopher Ayn Rand once said, “brevity is the soul of wit.”

Think Bibi spends too much on hair care? Trump’s upkeep team is going to need their own wing in the White House just to keep the man from falling apart during his presidency.

Trump using the full power of the presidency against journalists that are critical of him is a frightening thought. Sadly, a fear that isn’t entirely unfounded.

A Mad Max-ian societal breakdown is nigh, a middle-aged man paddled out today in a trump mask decrying “the pussification of America.” It’s only been one day and there’s already Surf Nazis. California isn’t safe.

Four more years of Cotton’s mouth keeping Rubio parched.