I also heard that baking soda can melt steel beams is also a myth, damn the baking soda company! they will say anything to spur their sales! #spreadthetruth

Let’s not panic until Jenny McCarthy weighs in on this topic.

Appropriate as NFL defenses will be greeting Cousins with arms wide open all season long.

Interestingly, this actually does offend 9 out of 10 Native Americans.

Not sunburning?

Mrs. Murphy sounds like a racist bitch.

This is a reasonable and correct take and has no place in Kinja.

Here’s my message to Bernie supporters, the precious snowflake Millennials:

I’m fine with Bernie staying in the race to accumulate votes and show Democrats that there is broad, national support for a progressive agenda. I am not alright with him staying in the race in a desperate bid to win.

Whooooooo boy. CAN’T WAIT

This might be a good time to remind everybody that the Olympics coming up in a couple months are taking place dead-center in the middle of Brazil’s Zika hot zone.

Almost none of these mosquitoes are even here legally. If Obama started deporting mosquitoes like the Constitution says he has to, we wouldn’t have this Zika problem. I love legal insects more than anyone (the best proboscis is Trump Tower) but we need to build a giant spiderweb across the Mexican border before our…

“Does this loosen restrictions for other companies to pollute more?”

Still cleaner than Rio water.

IOC Scientist: We were alarmed to find other athletes exhibited high levels of piss and vinegar.

Yes, exactly like this take. Thank you for the example.

Cologne.

Before they hand down any punishments, maybe the IOC can first explain why they apparently keep 8 year old jars full of urine.

Yup. Under audio books, science fiction.