Eat a Snickers.

Ha ha, that would be a great name, but Murdy is pretty good, too, seeing as he murdered 7 people in cold blood just to see what it felt like. And he felt nothing but empty. 

How do you not name that dog Ollie?!?

Someone with no kids voluntarily joining a two-day road trip with a family that includes 1- and 4-year-olds is one of the craziest fucking things I’ve ever heard. After about hour eight, he’ll probably call ahead to a urologist in Florida and schedule a vasectomy before even returning home to Chicago.

Brackets [] are used in legal writing when you change or shorten a phrase within a quote from a case in order to make it generic to your argument or to fitgrammatically into your text.

My GQ bosses at the time said my idea was fucking stupid

My wife bought me 12 new pairs of boxers for my birthday, which I was legitimately excited about; as the old pairs had been through a lot, but my excitement was quickly turned to disappointment as I saw they were button fly boxers...  Had to explain to her why this was a bad present now and that no, it’s not the same…

The soccer comments are dickish because Billy has been told the same complaints about his writing over and over and over for years - enough with the ridiculous paragraph-long run-on sentences, the use of fourteen paragraphs to make an incredibly banal point that could have been made in two sentences, the constant…

When even Gronk is smart enough to retire, it’s hard to hold a grudge against Andrew Luck

A good friend is a Cowboys fan, despite having grown up in the town next to Foxboro. To troll him when he gets talking about “America’s Team”, another friend and I agreed to assign that label to The Nashville Predators and then we just talk about Nashville and Roman Josi, when he brings up the Cowboys. It’s quite…

He looks like Tony Robbins had surgery in an attempt to look more like Casey Affleck.

Now I am dreaming of a Missy, Peter, and Parliament-Funkadelic show. *swoon*

Even in my hardest of hardcore metal days, I would stop and watch when Missy was on MTV. She is just mesmerizing. I think of her like I think of Peter Gabriel. I’m not always sure of what is happening, but you can’t NOT watch

The Poop Standard Selection Committee (me) has taken your point under advisement and determined it does not dole out participation trophies.

Most off-camera conversations I have with Roth involve extracurricular rememberings of guys.

“What’s the weather like where you’re from?”

smouking lound

I still have Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2004 (the one with the Just Blaze soundtrack) on my old Xbox.

“UFOF” by Big Thief is the album of the year, at least until the next Big Thief album drops in October.

Weyes Blood’s “Everyday” is probably my favorite song. As for album, ask me again after I have a bit more time with the Jay Som album.