I vote for the recorder. Firstly it is an instrument for children. It’s an ill wind that nobody blows good. Finally, ever seen a baroque ensemble play with their 16 century instruments and rotten recorders? Talk about pretentious.

Counterpoint: Harpo Marx.

I dunno about the instrument itself, but the most pretentious kids in my High School played the Bassoon. I mean, you sound like a prick even saying it. Bassooooooon.

hey fuck you buddy

French Horn. Get a load of all those other boring, front-facing horns. Pfft.

Does Marchman play an instrument? If so, it’s that instrument.

Harp. No one likes the sound of the harp. And people who claim to like it think they do because of its association with pretentious shit (and heaven, which is also pretentious).

This.

It’s the lute. Cause inevitably you dress like this:

You obviously weren’t paying attention to sports media during the D’Brickashaw/Shawon/Chone/Anfernee/Laveranues/Antawn/Antoine/every-other-misspelled-nightmare-name days.

I was thinking the same thing! Very common polish name. If this kid is not polish, he is going to be asked a lot if he is and Poles will randomly talk to him in polish.

Jerzy is Polish for George. So, if Jerzy’s family is Polish or it is a family name from the old country then it gets a pass.

No, he wears jail stripes...... I’ll show myself out.

No, Jerzy wears jersey #1, duh.

I once taught swimming lessons to a red-haired kid named “Renegade”. If you’re wondering, yes, he did have a mullet.

At least the list’s River isn’t on fucking fire...

Rajvir is a common Punjabi name that means “Lion King,” which is I think is pretty cool. Sikh name, kid.

“He would help the Colts...by staying on the sidelines.”

Also, he’s fucking 35. Seriously, dude? Kids these days? Decommits were really also quite common in 1999.