Yes, and the Vickis and Shannons are standing there, arms folded, glaring, ready to shoot them down like carnival ducks.

Not really. The age anxiety is pretty distinctive in OC. In Potomac, they’re more irritated by Ashley than threatened by her. She’s like a persistent mosquito to them. And the New York, New Jersey, and Atlanta franchises are a lot more more homogenous in age.

Shannon is Vicki-like: They’re both easily threatened by younger newcomers (e.g., Meghan).

It always ends up looking like a showroom for a Crate & Barrel knockoff.

You’re right. And they peddle the same stuff, more or less, on that Nate & Jeremiah show (on TLC), even though Nate Berkus used to be a high-end designer and knows far better sources.

Maybe part of it is that she’s so charismatic and competent-seeming that people get caught up in that and sort of lose the ability to judge her work with an objective eye? To me, her decorating looks like she went to Overstock.com or Wayfair or Ballard and bought everything in one sweep (“This is fine, this will do,…

Everyone loves Home Goods.

I’m sure you do it a lot better than she does.

The “not being especially talented” applies to Joanna as well. She’s likable, confident, and gives good TV, but her decorating always looks like pages from an Overstock.com ad.

Number of readers: 11.

I guess the scalp reduction was also a forehead reduction.

Melania is the household’s disdainful Siamese cat who only sticks around for the Fancy Feast.

It gives the impression of frantically dashing back and forth between two equally unbearable fates.

He’s so out of shape; does he have the muscle power to lift 2 feet of sopping-wet hair-and-fiberglass-extensions and heave it over to the other side of his head? Maybe Ivanka has to come in to help.

I can never tell what direction his hair is racing in, but it looks like it’s suddenly reversed course.

I would have gone with

I think if they’d gotten married, it’d have been a huge thing on E!

You know Ted Koppel would address her as “Miss Chyna.”

I’m not sure she is talented. She’s like Roseanne Barr—a person with a knack for attracting many talented people, and getting them to produce such good work it makes her look talented.

Your son has a point: her face skin is so tight, it’s like the flesh behind it is about to burst through.