When I was 10 I overheard my grandmother telling my mom to lie about my age and sign me up for Weight Watchers (I think the youngest you can be to join the program is 13). My mom actually wanted to go along with it, which is why she’s not allowed to go wedding dress shopping with me.

Good thing I want to adopt an older child then. I am perfectly okay with skipping the terrible twos.

Isn’t this the plot of an Ann Patchett novel?

I used to work for a theater in California and once found a missed connection about my boss. It was hilarious. Even though she was in a closed monogamous relationship, we encouraged her to reply just for funzies. She did not. :-(

My favorite thing about the “On This Day” feature is when I can go back and delete posts/tags from exes, ex-friends, and so on.

My least favorite thing is that I’m currently reliving the 6 weeks I had mono five years ago.

I’m just so fucking glad I’m never going to be a bridesmaid ever again.

Goddammit, just when I thought I could be proud of my state.

When I was young, cheese hadn’t been invented yet. We drank our milk sour and we liked it that way.

#whitepeopleproblems

There was a movie that came out sometime in the last 10 years (probably; I’m bad at pop culture) where no one in the world could lie, ever. And then one day the protagonist learned to lie and shit got weird. I remember the marriage vows in that world being like “to have and to hold, to yadda and to yadda, for as long…

I’m a full-time grad student in a really intense program (less than six months, y’all). Between class, homework, and my practicum, I work seven days a week. Once or twice a semester I take a complete day off everything. No homework, no housework, no anything. Even though the next day I have that much more work to do,…

I would bet several internet dollars that the wings story is a D/s thing whereby Dudebro was paying his ladyfriend to humiliate him for sex reasons.

Which does not excuse any of their actions BTW because like the number one rule of BDSM is not involving people without their consent.

I’m so glad this is coming up during the week of Trans Day of Remembrance.

I must be An Old, because I have lost the ability to be shocked by any of this stuff anymore. *shrug*

The most recent one that comes to mind was last week. I’m a social work grad student and I’ve been in my practicum for almost 6 months. I finally had a chance to go to a staff meeting and be all professional and stuff, but only a few days before that I found out that one of my supervisors had been fired abruptly and…

After a traumatic accident close to Thanksgiving in 2006, I stopped celebrating altogether. It’s weird when people ask what you’re doing for the holiday and you say, Oh, I’m just staying home and catching up on my reading, and then have to repeatedly turn down offers to be their guests.

Last year I finally decided I…

All of Boyfriend’s friends are married. A few months ago Boyfriend, one of his BFFs, and I all went to a baseball game a few hours away together. BFF and I had about half an hour alone in the stands together at one point, and discovered to our mutual delights that we quite enjoy each other’s company. Because BFF has…

Well that’s some backwards bullshit right there.

I used to know a couple whose children called them Mommy and Mama. I felt bad because I could never remember which parent had which name.

Okay look. In some states, divorces, even uncomplicated ones, take FOREVER. I met my partner four months after he and his former spouse legally separated, and their divorce wasn’t finalized for sixteen more months. No kids, no shared property, no real controversy, our state just sucks. In the meanwhile, we’ve moved in…