I tried Tinder but freaked out after some dude whose profile consisted entirely of pictures of him performing oral sex on other women showed up as nearby while I was working at a medical school. That was oh around minute 29?

I’m glad I met my boyfriend the old-fashioned way, when he introduced himself to me on OkCupid…

Two stories come to mind.

One night I was working a crazy busy takeout counter at a pizza place. A youngish guy called and asked if we could make a pizza in the shape of a heart and if we could write a message on the box - he wanted to ask a girl to a dance. I told my manager (a young woman) and we got totally into it.…

I dunno, makes sense to me. In my experience I can tolerate most things, but the things that are intolerable are INFUCKINGTOLERABLE.

I hope I never have to date again, but if I did, there’s no way in hell I’d ever even agree to meet someone who didn’t have a four-year degree, a steady career path, and ambition. I’m…

I’m very very firmly anti-death penalty, but cases like this sorely tempt me to change my mind.

This isn’t a restaurant story, but Holly Samuels’ story immediately brought this to mind:

About 9 years ago I worked for a city-run event space in California. Because we were right off the main drag, a lot of people came in looking for just general information about the area. We were told that we needed to help…

I’ve been living with my boyfriend since February and I’ve been a full-time grad student in an intensive accelerated program since May. Boyfriend works a 9-5. I don’t know if it’s because I’m home most days (I’m in class twice a week and have a three-day-a-week internship in which I work remotely) or because he’s a…

I feel like the only good thing that can be said about this twatwaffle is that he’s not in blackface.

I’ve only ever had one dine and dash, and it was so bizarre that I never once believed it was intentional. I was working at a comedy club and a couple ordered some food but left before it came out. No one saw them leave and they had left their jackets at the table. Since they had paid for tickets to see whoever the…

THE WITCH FROM INTO THE WOODS IS NOT A DISNEY CHARACTER. I DENY THE EXISTENCE OF THE MOVIE. I HAVE STRONG FEELINGS ABOUT THIS.

I remember when I started reading the Science in the Capital trilogy. I was on spring break in my fourth year of college in Santa Cruz. It had barely rained all fall and winter, and then one day in March it started to rain and didn’t stop until May. Reading about the coastal flooding described in Forty Signs of Rain…

So a while ago I inadvertently got into a relationship with a child rapist, and it lasted about 5 months before I found out what he had done. You can bet I googled the fuck out of everyone I even considered dating after that.

Oh yeah, I’m familiar with the type. Unfortunately they tend to overrun area nonprofits.

I love my IUD with all my heart and I would hug it if I could. The best part is that I am indigent and uninsured and was afraid I couldn’t get it because of the cost. But the nurse at the gyno clinic found a way to qualify me for a grant and it cost me exactly zero dollars. Best doctors appointment EVER.

I have already…

I promise you, Richmond isn’t the miserable backwater hellhole most people think it is. It took me the better part of nine years to realize this.

This, combined with that wealth psychology bullshit, is proof that fools don’t deserve their money.

My oldest sister kept our Persian last name as her middle name (none of us were given middle names at birth) and took her husband’s Scottish last name, so she’s Sister Persian Scottish. My middle sister dropped our last name altogether and took her husband’s Irish name, so she’s Sister Irish. My boo’s last name is…

This reminds me of a thing I saw once at a friend’s house. The friend was renting a room from a suuuuper creepy slumlord who kept an office in the living room (although I don’t think he actually lived in the house). Above his desk he had a framed poem by his high-school-age daughter, who praised her father for being…

So last night me and the dude were watching Back to the Future Parts II and III, and every time Doc said “Great Scott!”, I yelled SUCK MY COCK at the top of my lungs. It’s like a reflex now.

And that’s how I learned that my dearheart, my sweetest, my sun and stars, has never seen Rocky Horror. I don’t even know who he…

DO NOT TELL ANYONE YOU’RE A VIRGIN. IT WILL GO BADLY FOR YOU.

I haven’t waited tables in close to a year and last night I had a nightmare about the table from hell last Christmas who refused to tip on an $80 tab, which meant I couldn’t buy groceries that week.