Good god, I’m wearing a loose light swingy dress today that goes to my knees and elbows and I REGRET IT SO MUCH. I HATE THAT I HAVE TO LOOK NICE IN PUBLIC. Damn internship.

*shrug* Possibly, but they didn’t complain to me or anyone else, and they tipped well. It was a little white lie that made things easier on everyone with no downside, so who cares?

I once had a table headed by a woman with a very thick Deep South accent and a few missing teeth. Try as I might I could not understand what she wanted to order. To avoid offense, I smiled brightly, explained to the whole table that I was a little hard of hearing, and asked if she wouldn’t mind writing down what she…

I stayed friends with the one person I was in a serious relationship with before the current Mr. Brotherjo. We used to talk every few days, then every few weeks, now every few months. It’s fine. We still enjoy talking to each other occasionally about our common interests, but neither of us has ever once wanted to…

Bearing in mind that I have no idea how much of this story is true or not, here’s something my grandfather told me a couple years ago.

Grandpa was once a pretty big deal in the aeronautical engineering industry in Northern California. He was friends with one of the writers of The Glass Inferno, which was later adapted…

I wonder if the child is on the autism spectrum, or the co-op board is trying to suss that out, and ban the family because of perceptions about autistic children. At any rate, that’s the vibe I get from this whole discussion about “behavior.”

I can’t take Tylenol at all ever at risk of liver failure (which isn’t guaranteed with any given pill but becomes more and more likely every time I take a dose), which also means I can’t take most narcotics of the type often prescribed after surgery. I miss Vicodin so, so much. Tramadol just isn’t the same.

Current, unfortunately.

I can’t wait until I move out of this asshat’s district.

Laverne Cox and I are the same age, and it’s almost infuriating how she will always be more successful, beautiful, and amazing than I am.

Soooo that sack of shit is my delegate. He’s currently trying to run for state senate but his petition was denied because of fake signatures. I can’t wait to move.

If I had infinite money I’d buy a Victorian mansion on a huge tract of land. I’d have a huge garden and an orchard and goats and sheep and chickens and dogs and cats. I would do nothing but knit and cook and preserve things and read books and be blissfully happy.

Shit like this is why I’m afraid to be pregnant in the US. In the unlikely event I ever become pregnant, I’m moving to Canada.

THANK YOU. Some years ago I got seriously ill for a few weeks and came back to work down a significant amount of weight. Everyone talked about how skinny I looked, and I was all, um, my liver is never going to work the same way again, but thanks?

Same thing happened a year later when I went through a bad breakup. My…

I just bought my first bikini. It’s red with huge white polka dots and a deep-V halter top and I love the fuck out of it. I can’t wait to debut it at a family reunion this weekend and scandalize my deeply unhappy skinny bitch of a sister who wouldn’t know body positivity if it sued her. This is gonna be awesome, you…

Back in 2008 or so, I was looking for any kind of entry-level anything. I went to an interview for an admin job at a security company. It was a group interview that started with the office manager (who was open-carrying) asking all the candidates if they were married and/or parents (“No I don’t care if that question…

Boyfriend: “And do they host knife fights over what cheesecake is?”

An ex of mine used to work at a deli. One of his coworkers didn't know how to spell parmesan cheese, so one day he got a request to order more palmer John cheese.

I like curling up at night with my dude after we’ve both brushed our teeth and are relaxed and happy but not too tired, and jumping his bones. He likes to wake me up on weekend mornings with a handy. We both like bonking in the afternoon whenever our schedules align.

If we’re going to do something technical I’d rather…

My mom married my dad too young and has never been able to become fully independent of his abusive ass. Perhaps in recognition of this, she raised my two older sisters and I to be very strong women who bow down before no man. I don’t think she’ll ever identify as a feminist but I am one because of her.