In no particular order:
(1) Bride’s dad “giving her away.”
(2) Garter.
(3) Bouquet toss.
(4) Smashing cake in each other’s faces.
(5) White people appropriating other people’s cultures.
(6) Mason jars.
(7) Trashing the dress.
(8) Engagement photos.

My doctor put me on a high-fat/low-carb diet to help me manage my diabetes, and it’s virtually impossible to find books/blogs/other resources that aren’t horrifyingly cultish. Most of them are also aggressively, uncomfortably masculine. In the end I’m using a combination of resources and trying my best to look through…

Too bad that ex never did anything bad enough to ruin a political career.

You will pry my maxi dresses out of my cold dead hands. I love having an outfit fancy enough for a wedding, loose enough that I can eat my bodyweight in buffet meat, and flattering AF.

Me and the dude are looking to move soon. Number one requirement for the new place is pet-friendly (we have a dog and I desperately want a cat). Number two requirement is dishwasher. I will not even look at an apartment without one. Thankfully they’re really common around these parts.

Ew.

Do you not understand the concept of hyperbolic humor?

OH MY GOD he looks exactly like a guy I used to date. And I never met his parents, so, I mean.

Pleaseohplease let them not be the same person.

For both umbrella and preview, she consistently put the accent on the wrong syllable. UMbrella and preVIEW. Chipotle was chipoltay, no matter how many times my other coworkers gently corrected her.

An ex-boss of mine (a native speaker of American English) didn’t know how to pronounce the words umbrella, preview, or chipotle. I can kiiiind of give her a pass on the last one, but not the other two. I still cringe when I think about working with her.

The last place I worked at fried shellfish in the same oil as french fries. ONE TIME I had a kid with a severe shellfish allergy ask me if that was the case, and that’s how I found that out. I shudder to think how many people allergic to shellfish thought they were safe getting a burger and fries.

The lesson here is:…

I got a new prescription for generic BC yesterday. Took it to the grocery store pharmacy and it’s all of a sudden $40/month cash (I don’t have insurance). It used to be $15. Le sigh. Thankfully I have a partner who’s willing to split the cost, but that’s still a big chunk of change for us.

First thing I do when I get…

I am currently eating a box of Kraft (not store brand, I splurged!) in protest of this tomfoolery.

Back when I was a server (making $2.15 plus tips) I had a manager close out a tab I opened under her employee code. It was an auto-gratted check and the guy paid by credit card, so I never saw one penny of that tip. Immediately after she closed the check I ran a server report that showed I never got the tip, and…

Things you need to know in order to grok this story:

When I was a teenager we had a red tabby named Squeaky, and I have many fond memories of watching my mom make her bed while Squeaky helped.

A reason I probably should marry Mr. Brotherjo:

Why hello you beautiful person you.

Also, depending on where you live, the application process is a nightmare basically designed for failure. I'm an educated, intelligent person and I could not make heads or tails of the Virginia SNAP application last time I needed it. And that is 100% on purpose.

If you get a degree in social work, you will be beat over the head with all of these things, I promise.