Oh, and I had a coworker recently who literally found an excuse to leave every single one of his shifts early. He usually claimed "family emergency," strolled out without cleaning up after himself, and took the time to make himself a fancy iced coffee to go. Once in the middle of a crazy busy brunch he decided he was…

I'm an officer for a student organization at my college that means a lot to me. Our president had kind of checked out mentally a while before, and was hard to reach, and always had some reason for it or other. At one point she told us she was getting treated for cervical cancer, which, okay, is a legit reason to drop…

I have legitimately thought about putting a board game on every table at the reception and letting people seat themselves by which game they want to play first, and then they can move about as they wish. My sweetie and I are both very introverted people who love board games, and most of our friends also fall under…

That sounds amazing.

Re: kosher ham.

It sucks that the school is closing, but they're not solvent, haven't been for years, and never will be again. There's a saying in the nonprofit world, don't stay open for the sake of being open. When the school closes, the assets can be sold off and any leftover money can go toward giving all the staff generous…

Current students are going to get a lot of help transferring to other Virginia schools. They'll get in somewhere.

Oh, fuck off and go dumpster diving, will you? If it makes me feel good to do something nice for a fellow human being, whether it's slipping them a $20 and not sticking around to see their reaction or giving them a cough drop or baking them penis cookies, who are you to complain?

Employers are only obligated to make up the difference if the average earnings across the entire paycheck is less than minimum wage. If I had one shift where I worked 8 hours and made $30, that would be cancelled out by another shift where I worked 8 hours and made $300.

Last year right before Christmas I went to a local watering hole for breakfast. My tab was $9ish. I put it on my card and tipped the bartender $20, because it was Christmas and I know from experience how fucking awful serving breakfast can be. I enjoyed it so much I think I'll make it an annual tradition. In general I…

Bitches like this stupid cunt are the reason I took out extra student loans rather than spend one more second working for tips while I finish college.

Me, to BF: Apparently today is National Proposal Day.
BF: *non-committal, generally negative-sounding grunt*
Me: Not that I'm expecting us to celebrate such bullshit.
BF: *slightly more positive-sounding grunt*

(That being said, we're almost definitely getting married once our lives settle down a bit.)

I used to know a set of sisters named Winston and Mason. I believe they're both family names.

When I was in high school I asked my astronomy teacher if the sun casts a shadow. He thought about it for a second, and then said no. The thing about that answer that was so satisfying was that he had clearly never been asked that before, and that pleased him. I felt very smart that day.

Until recently I worked at a high-end restaurant that didn't have a single bandage in its first aid kit. If we cut ourselves we had to create our own bandaids out of gauze (or sometimes paper towels) and painters tape.

I feel bad for Elena Kagan. Sotomayor and RBG are superstars, and she's over there like HEY I'M ON THE SUPREME COURT TOO.

This is a crime against Twizzlers.

...Are we the same person?

Yep, samsies. I'm 30, Dude is 33, and his favorite way to greet me is with a kiss and a honk. Double honk if he can manage it.

I'm 30 years old and living with a partner for the first time. I did not know how to talk to my mom about it, because she is very, very opposed to premarital sexing. Once when my oldest sister and her then-fiance (now husband of a jillion years) came to visit, she made them sleep on separate floors of the house, even…