Lame joke thread! I'll start:

This goes along perfectly with my plan to mashup Jonathan Coulton's "Re: Your Brains" and Queen's "Save Me."

Terrorist =/= brown dude with a beard.

If I actually pull this off and get accepted I will be asking for book money for every birthday and Hanukkah until 2014. Luckily they're approximately six months apart so I can get a steady flow of Amazon gift cards all year round if I do it right.

Hoo boy is this ever timely for me. My best friend's other best friend just got married and managed to get pregnant just slightly before the wedding so now it's baby shower time. I love my best friend and like the other friend well enough but it turns out I have to drive like an hour and a half to get there the night…

As my wealthy Chinese friend Jimmy says, middle-to-upper-class Asian-Americans are functionally white.

Ok, you do get that neither of those are acceptable, right?

Pretty much the only time it's acceptable to cite LMFAO...ever.

I didn't get anything yesterday. In fact I'm ashamed to admit I didn't realize it was yesterday until this morning.

I never used to be ok with bangs, because I always thought of them as the straight-across fringe that wavy/curl girls cannot rock without copious product. But not too long ago I got bangs that are more or less the same length and style as hers and let me tell you I rock the hell out of this look. But every time I let…

Good for them! I wish them many years of activism and happiness.

I'm Jewish and half of me is Russian/Polish, so...yeah. When I hear people complaining that this neighborhood or that restaurant is ghetto they get the hairy eyeball from me.

So my ex-boyfriend is whiter than paste. Like there is not a shred of non-European in the boy. He loved using the n-word, the r-word, even sometimes the f-word (and seeing as he's a semi-out bisexual man this one totally baffled me). When I would ask him not to, y'know, be a douchecanoe, because words have meaning and…

NO COMMERCIALS, NO MERCY.

No Idaho potato jokes yet? I am ashamed of you, commentariat.

Mmmm taffy.

This cannot possibly go badly.

Or a seven-year-old with cerebral palsy and developmental delays.

Do eggs cooked in a New Jersey pan smell like hairspray and corruption?

There's no way Tareq Salahi can be any worse than our esteemed attorney general Ken "The Cooch" Cuccinelli, so I say go for it.