Is anyone here a legal eagle? Please tell me this is unconstitutional. I need to hold out the tiniest glimmer of hope that cooler heads will prevail in the form of the court system.

I pass an abortion clinic on my way to synagogue. Every Saturday I see protesters and clinic support folks in more or less equal numbers. More than once I've thought about trying to run over *just* the protesters, but, y'know, I have a soul.

People don't believe me until they hear the incredible number of times I've fallen on flat ground, or walked into screen doors, or nearly became part of my meal. And then they go, "Oh, yeah, it's probably for the better."

Possibly, but because I fall over a lot while doing absolutely nothing and therefore am terribly afraid of falling down, I have no real interest in learning either. I like to walk.

I never learned how to ride a bike. My parents tried but gave up quickly. Usually I tell people it's because I have very poor proprioception (your body's awareness of where your body parts are and how they're moving, more or less) and hence poor balance, but I just get the stinkeye. I'm totally going to use this as an…

An ice cream truck comes to my office in the summer, almost every day. The first time the truck comes I go batshit insane and buy something too sweet and too frozen and it hurts both my teeth and my pancreas but I fucking love it AND YOU WILL NOT TAKE THAT FROM ME.

Popcorn is one of the few snack foods I can have and not feel bad about. (Looking at you, spring-themed mini Twix in the break room...)

The application deadline for my grad school program was February 1st. Decisions are supposed to go out by mail approximately 6-8 weeks from then (now-ish). I called to check the status of my application the other day and it's incomplete, pending receipt of transcripts from my current semester (finishing two…

CENTRAL VIRGINIA JEZEBELS: Shall we have a meetup? I feel strongly that we should. If you live within driving distance of Richmond and are around the weekend of April 20th, let's talk!

Anecdotally, I can tell you all of the men I've had sex with over the last couple years have, at times, resorted to begging me for a blow job. I give them freely. They just like to get them.

So is LOL one syllable or three?

Dawww, thank you!

Decided to stop by the local fancy-ass grocery store to get some fancy-ass brownies to show my support for Team Brownie. And there was a Girl Scout troupe outside selling cookies. I don't carry cash during Girl Scout cookie season. BUT. They take credit. So now I have fancy-ass brownies, fancy-ass dark chocolate, and…

Probably, yes. Anyone who likes doggy and brownies is ok in my book.

DOGGYSTYLE AND BROWNIES. It must be ever thus.

This all makes sense to me. One of the best tips I ever learned from the innumerable diet books I've read is to put your portion of X food on a plate and put the rest away before you eat, and to always eat sitting down. It takes effort to then pull the cake or whatever out of the fridge, slice it up, put it away, and…

Now I want a bow and arrow set where the arrows have suction cups.

I would actually be ok with the ceremony...performing...person saying that.

That cake makes me feel both hungry and terrified.

The theme for my wedding will be "everybody puts on slightly-nicer-than-normal clothes and has a picnic, and for like 15 minutes after everyone's already relaxed and dancing, we'll throw in some stuff about love and fidelity, and then there will be more dancing and beers, and also cake."