I care.

Soooo only the public intox charge?

Should’ve just posted this and called it a day.

Apparently Michael Phelps is going to race a great white shark during Shark Week. I don’t know how they’re going to handicap the whole thing but he’s going to lose...badly. So, what’s the fastest animal you’re capable of beating in a foot race? A moose? Medium-sized dog? Standard NYC subway rat?

Blue the Colts mascot is far too low consider his affinity for beating up children and clowning all other mascots.

I like to think of the entire Cardinals squad as the Trump Brothers of baseball.

*With gloves on under a heavily regulated set of rules.

Nope, don’t define my memory of Aaron Hernandez as just a guy in a jersey. 

Pretty poor move by the Oilers but that headline is peak Gawker.

A few players sure, but no video - regardless of its message - will ever make me like Patriots fans.

No joke, that’s an incredibly reasonable explanation.

Definitely a full Warriors uniform until he jumps on the Lakers bandwagon once they make the playoffs.

Actually watching the video will blow your mind.

I’m confident he will still, somehow, find a way to break his collarbone.

I always go back to trusty Verne Lundquist calling Tiger’s chip at the 2005 Masters.

I know right? Barstool really is garbage.

So if your youngest goes, and then doesn’t want to come back to you, I assume you’re totally cool with it?

This:

Yes, absolutely it’s on the coaches here, especially considering the new “offensive mastermind” of the moment bumbled his way through the 4th quarter.

Nah, Alex Mack played on a broken fucking leg, so it’s not too much to ask a guy with a mild ankle sprain to get off the field in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl.