Gaga in her head, "Suck it Madonna!"

I'd like the marinated seitan please. The marinade is gluten-free, right?

Remember when everyone decided Crash was such a incredibly brilliant movie, so much so that it won the Oscar for Best Picture? And then a couple weeks later everyone decided to think for themselves and lo and behold it turned out Crash was a garbage fire burning shit? Kanye West is Crash. Good Lord, the pseudo…

My dad tried to teach me to drive on a stick and as a result I am 43 and have never had a driver's license.

Where did you get the idea that chocolate is something adults should be embarrassed to like?

Don't care. I'm still going to drink my gallon of whole milk on a weekly basis. It's yummy in my tummy.

the spiders are tossed in a mixture of MSG, sugar, and salt; crushed garlic is fried in oil until fragrant, then the spiders are added and fried alongside the garlic until "the legs are almost completely stiff, by which time the contents of the abdomen are not so runny."^[5]

Two disgusting things in one!

My friend's dad used to have a saying, "Some people only learn by touching the electric fence." Meaning no matter what kind of warnings you can give a person, they will only alter their behavior by finding out the hard way.

Her?

give Retta a talk show right meow!

Yeah, my first thought was "THIS WAS MY CHILDHOOD TOO YOU BASTARDS!"

PHASE I: VIDEO GAMES

I wore my mom's dress. As she handed over the box to me, she said, "I'm sure you will have to take it in A LOT. I was very chunky in 1968." Cut to me trying on the dress a few weeks later at the alteration place. Dress fit me like a glove. That was like delayed shade.

This looks fucking atrocious. "Dark and gritty" does not automatically make a movie worth seeing. I blame that hack Christopher Nolan, not only for the excessive glut of depressing superhero movies, but for most of my personal problems as well.

Me too. But I'm more this tone.

I'm ethnic, too. Ethnically Polish, that is. This is the skin color of my people:

Omg I knew before even scrolling down into the comments there would be people defending latte lady. I KNEW IT.

Oh god, I swear I had Coffee Latte's husband the other day. Never in my life have I felt the stupidity ratio in a room rise so rapidly as when this guy opened his mouth.