And the cherry on top of that news? Today is Bill Clinton’s birthday.

The No. 2 won the Money In The Bank ladder match. Therefore guaranteeing himself a shot against No. 1 whenever he wants. Pretty common knowledge, if you ask me.

“when Geduev lifted Burroughs into the air and was awarded points for a takedown.”

Does this mean Goodell is next?

It’s no big deal. He was just trying to refresh the tree of liberty.

140 characters is too small a template to express a lasting sentiment or manifesto, so I’d probably just speak from the heart, you know? Lik

“Not the Sharper Image publicity I was hoping for.”

Yea, I’d have guessed he would be okay with disproving the stereotype.

“It’s one thing if it was true, but I have to say I’m pretty devastated that they’d go so far to make something up to mock and ridicule me so much.”

Why wouldn’t you pee first, then get your coffee on the way back from the bathroom? I mean, I guess it’s unlikely that you’re getting actual shit in your coffee or anything, but my basic rule of thumb is to keep as many things that will be going into my mouth out of public restrooms as possible.

This information negates the entire plot of Cool Runnings

He could always just tattoo the Gold Medal around his neck.

Jeez, to have been a fly on that wall.

Nope. In track, the terminus is an infinite vertical plane that must be broken with your chest. By leaning into it, you're going to reach it faster than by simply running vertical. Diving is actually going to be a little faster. The base, however, is going to be further from your hands by diving than from your feet by…

And this is why Michael Jackson couldn’t win a race: unlike Bolt, he preferred to come in a little behind.

The auction winner.

Define ineffectiveness. I think it is much more effective than everyone merging early. In a long line you get the problem of the ‘brake wave’. The longer the line the worse it gets. Two lanes at half the length would greatly reduce this and in doing so increases flow.

The problem is with people who tell other people it…

This. This has been proven to be the most efficient way to zipper merge. Use the entire merging lane to gracefully merge in. Nothing more disruptive to traffic than the driver who thinks he/she knows best and merges immediately or blocks the merging lane to prevent traffic flow.

Dear ‘Murricans on Jalopnik - please stop being stupid. Can You? Please?

What about the total passive-aggressive cockface that uses his car to block the collapsing lane dead in its tracks?