Come on man, if you’re gonna steal a joke, try not to do it from one of the funniest/most popular twitter follows on the internet.

The police have nothing to go on.

Belichick was quoted in the story as saying “Someone get this motherfucking snake off this motherfucking plane.”

You need to locate all the grounding points for the dash and check them for corrosion or broken connections.

Not necessarily... 

“Too soon.”

Some of them got darker...

It seems like that trash basket is not bolted down. Perhaps you could move it out of the way and stand to the side?

“Our free-range beef is fed only the finest local Brooklyn-grown grasses that are soaked in the tears and anguish of the USMNT.”

“Guys, we’re doing the milk thing tomorrow. Don’t forget to wear your black t-shirts.”

The problem is when you bump into one of the waitresses they all go flying everywhere.

It sucked they had to go sit in the box for 2 minutes afterward for hooking

Head first

The only thing that could make this more Russell Westbrook level petty would be if he signed this on Durant’s birthday.

Please add this bit:

Please add this bit:

I’d watch what I say about Barkley. You know what he’s capable of...

Watch the video. Just do it. I usually don’t either. But watch this one.

Joe Thomas crawled to retirement through 10,000 snaps of shit-smelling foulness I can’t even imagine- or maybe I just don’t want to. 10,000 snaps...that’s 11 seasons. Just north of a decade. Joe Thomas, who crawled through a river of shit and found himself still in a river of shit on the other side.