Even with updated graphics and voices, I’m not sure it could top the emotions I felt when Elmyra was telling her story of waiting for her husband to come home.

You got screwed in the playoffs.  Congratulations, you’re officially an NHL franchise.

There is no way Jizyah Shorts doesn’t win this.

“Konstantine Sepsis” made me laugh out loud and is a real dark horse as a five-seed.

Surender Nada highly overrated as a one seed. He is definitely going to get taken down by Dr. Trent Artichoker in the next round, or Donald Bullcoming in the Sweet Sixteen. 

You realize subways are electric, right? You also realize one train can move HUNDREDS of people at once, right? Breakdowns are due to deferred maintenance, not because the concept is flawed.

You realize that subways are electric right?

The subway is electric and breaks all the time. Being electric doesn’t mean it’s reliable at all.

The rubber tires on the guideway cause too much resistance, lets put the vehicle on steel wheels and run it on steel bars.

OK guys…we’ve dug a long tight tunnel. Now how do we ensure the car stays on course and doesn’t crash against the sides? Let’s put in on rails, brilliant!

Silly Elon.  An underground tube that delivers crap from one point to another is called a sewer.

I was already 20 when Ichiro joined MLB and I think I’d thought I was years past the part of my life where a professional athlete could ever be the kind of immortal, larger-than-life figure that, say, Michael Jordan or Lawrence Taylor or Martina Navratilova had seemed to be when I was a kid. But Ichiro was—and in lots…

Ichiro is my favorite player who has never played for my team and it’s not even close.

I was still blown away that some unnamed AFC team was asking prospects, “If required, are you willing to claim that you were, in fact, misidentified as a 77 year old white male, who was spotted frequently at a specific massage parlor?”

One day, I will achieve my dream job of being the guy who writes NFL combine questions. I’ve been keeping a notebook for years. A few samples:

Chara looks positively gleeful as he’s pummeling the crap out of Kane.

Height difference plus the speed of the play can really affect the outcome. If it was Martin St. Louis reaching for the puck instead of Kane everyone would be howling for him to be suspended for head butting Zdeno Chara in the testicles.

Get past PA as fast as possible, aren’t you in NC? Are there even cities there?

VTOL the hard way. 

Let's Remember Some Guys: The League