Because the entire mode of analysis that postpones judging a move like this until after some undetermined number of subsequent moves or failures to move is gross and dumb and I fucking hate it.

He only endorses products he uses and likes.

That’s not the same thing, dammit! You can go to hell!!!!!!!!

I think it’s a lot simpler than this. Just enforce the rule as written.

*Reads headline*

I got a royal flush in blackjack once. I was pretty excited until the dealer told me I busted, like, 3 cards ago.

I heard their strength coach was using “Browns Develop Serious Muscle” as a training mantra.

Or their their attempt to clap back at critics with their “Dawg Victory, Doubters Ambushed” campaign after they finally got a win.

Can't be any worse than their callback hashtag to Bring Back Winning.

Browns Marketing Executives: “Well, that #dp promotion sure didn’t work. I wonder how our new Browns-branded debit card with unlimited withdrawals from automated teller machines is being received on social media. Hey Kyle, let’s put the feed back up but change the search to Brown ATM, ok?”

Right there with you. If the app needs to read my e-mails, then I don’t need the app.

I made the same “mistake”. I’m giving us both a pass on this one. 

I got 7/8 because there’s never any need for any third party to read my email. If I signed up for something that needed that access, they could easily take over my account, so while not technically phishing, it’s a terrible idea to click allow on that. The better thing to do would be to find a different app or…

It’s always the women with the Can I talk to your manager haircut isn’t it?

She’s a respected GOP communications strategist.

How will death affect his mobility in the pocket?

We all know Mack’s food takes

I think we all need to ensure Alanis eats all the best versions of all the epic types of pizza, and then looks back at this terrible take. 

See if Deadspin wants it.

The egregious and terrible nature of the core take here almost distracts from the absolutely heinous addendum about the best kind of pizza.