Because the entire mode of analysis that postpones judging a move like this until after some undetermined number of subsequent moves or failures to move is gross and dumb and I fucking hate it.

He only endorses products he uses and likes.

That’s not the same thing, dammit! You can go to hell!!!!!!!!

I think it’s a lot simpler than this. Just enforce the rule as written.

*Reads headline*

I got a royal flush in blackjack once. I was pretty excited until the dealer told me I busted, like, 3 cards ago.

I heard their strength coach was using “Browns Develop Serious Muscle” as a training mantra.

Or their their attempt to clap back at critics with their “Dawg Victory, Doubters Ambushed” campaign after they finally got a win.

Can't be any worse than their callback hashtag to Bring Back Winning.

Browns Marketing Executives: “Well, that #dp promotion sure didn’t work. I wonder how our new Browns-branded debit card with unlimited withdrawals from automated teller machines is being received on social media. Hey Kyle, let’s put the feed back up but change the search to Brown ATM, ok?”

It’s always the women with the Can I talk to your manager haircut isn’t it?

She’s a respected GOP communications strategist.

How will death affect his mobility in the pocket?

We all know Mack’s food takes

I think we all need to ensure Alanis eats all the best versions of all the epic types of pizza, and then looks back at this terrible take. 

See if Deadspin wants it.

People say this as if small market teams are run by some Mom & Pop operation on a shoestring budget. Bottom line: there are 30 MLB teams and 585 billionaires in the US alone. If you can’t make it work and stay competitive without creating an artificial means of wage suppression, sell your team to a billionaire who…

I just don’t understand why they’d do this. Why would they give such a tacit endorsement to the racism and white grievance culture that this represents? I appreciate that these invitations are traditional and everything but I really thought Trump would draw the line somewhere.

I think, between this and the annual Williams-Sonoma catalog review, we have learned that Drew needs to do more catalog reviews.

The egregious and terrible nature of the core take here almost distracts from the absolutely heinous addendum about the best kind of pizza.