I would totally pay for a high end turkey for someone do actually say that in the middle of family dinner.

You sir/maam, have made me laugh. Well done. Well done indeed.

The people who just straight up jumped in and helped her from the get go are good people.

I stopped putting out pumpkins because, two years in a row, someone came along and smashed them on our steps. Not even in the yard, but the steps so I had to hose them off for them to not be slimy and slippery.

When this comes into stores, I will probably try it; though, I expect it to be noticeably more expensive that regular tuna.

The phrase, chicken of the sea has always annoyed me as that is truly Pollock. It is a light flavoured, light texture fish that is easily worked into being a substitute for many other fish. Tuna, on the other hand, has a distinct flavour to it.

The world has already punched them by making them boring and humorless.

It isn’t your kid’s fault that you were lousy with the family planning. Let them have their candy. If you really want a piece or two, ask them nicely.

Or just ask your kid if you can have one. A child who has been raised to share will not balk at giving their parents a couple candies. This is how it worked with my parents; though, once my candy went into its secret stash, I was officially “all out of candy” despite the fun sized candy wrappers turning up in the…

How about asking your kid if you can have one? If you raised your kid right, they will share. That is what my parents did. We usually negotiated since, obviously the couple full sized were off the table as were a couple favorites and anything I only had one of.

That is actually worse than handing out religious literature.

Quaker brand granola bars are the worst. I can actually eat a Larabar when I am not hungry which is my metric for those kinds of food stuffs.

I like that. 

Growing up, our dentist gave out toothbrushes with the contact info for his practice emblazoned upon the handle. His son, my dentist now, does the same. I am pretty certain my entire family put that man through medical school.

I am right there with you. My overflowing shelf of books to read (because I am entirely too frequently in used book stores) is easily 1/3rd old paperbacks, especially scifi. A lot of old scifi is actually quite good (though often incredibly sexist) and I love seeing (reading?) the visions of what the future could be…

I don’t actually buy that story. Every time I see these articles, there is ultimately a follow up revealing it to be untrue. Hell, the only confirmed Halloween candy poisoning turned out to have been done by the parents.

People started buying those for themselves right away. I distinctly remember pooling money with friends to buy as many of these as possible then figuring out the best bang for our buck in regards to sandwiches and fries option.

I feel like that is a invitation for a visit from the police, if not getting sued by a particularly angered parent.

My dentist apparently gives out toothbrushes with little toothpaste sample tubes. The toothbrushes are branded for his practice. Other than the marketing aspect of them giving out the toothbrushes, I feel like a dentist is allowed a pass on this. 

Your hot dog is only sad and bland because you make it so.