‘Ere ye are.

Ooh, I know, I know. It’s the Lake of Menteith. My dad fished there and I’m also good at Trivial Pursuit.

8766 Days of Nessie.

Nessie is good for tourism, like the Royal Family, who are dinosaurs. And they love going to Balmoral. It must be something in the water.

You and your friends are laughing at me now
You think that I’m nothing
Well, ask your sister what you’re missing!

I think that live longer thing’s just a rumour spread by the marrieds to try to fool singles into thinking we’re missing out on something.

Prince Phillip asked some women who they “sponge off.” Which, gross? I think? I’ve never heard that term.

Do you know they actually eat peanut butter with chocolate? Maddies, all of ‘em.

Hobson’s Choice. Ah well, as long as there’s a nurse to wipe my bum once in a while, I’m good.

Also, a great Guardian article, Kanye West: why can’t rock ‘n’ roll’s old guard handle him?

It was a bit of fun to give the crowd a singalong, not that the crowd wasn’t already singing along with Kanye’s own material. I think Freddy Mercury would get it. I don’t think it’s going to be anybody’s new national anthem. And if media dahlings, the Libertines can shit all over any semblence of tonal accuracy, then…

Kanye will sort it.

I’m 56 soon and I want a Barbie house. I don’t need an Emmy, though. Awards mean award shows, the attending of which negates any good film or TV you did.

I figure if I wait until I hit 70, I’ll be too worn out to bother with divorce. Also, the advantage of having somebody around in case of stroke will finally offset the submission of 50% decision-making.

Rhubarb Flava.

Rhubarb is a giver. That’s watermelon you’re thinking of.

What is a strawberry doing in a pie? A pie isn’t fresh cream.

What is this new world strawberry nonsense? I’ve never heard of such a thing. Rhubarb here goes with custard. That is all. This is a waste of good rhubarb and good strawberries.