Remember to let that Lays bag breathe a little after you open it, I’m sorry aerate.

Yeah...in the case of chicken what it needs is heat. I don’t know you, but I hope to god you never end up cooking for me... *massive side-eye*

Gee, I wonder why.

“When he was done, I booked in into the kitchen, where I think I may have kicked the ice cream freezer and cried a little. Then the bartender started feeding me sympathy shots of Jameson and I can’t remember much else about that night”

I can’t remember his whole spiel, because my brain was filled with the enraged screams of my primal warrior ancestors and I was battling to keep a pleasant expression on my face.

You’re saying I can’t take down this:

Because the gun lobby has done an effective job at telling most Americans that they need guns to protect themselves from “bad guys” and “tyranny”.

This is exactly how I’ve felt for years. I hope Obama is coming for your guns, all of them, you fucking monsters. Yes. #AllOfYou

I can’t imagine what the friends and family of all those wounded and killed are going through today. I can’t begin to comprehend what his mother is going through today. Thoughts and prayers for everyone effected by this.

Also stop signs: wait at stop sign until a car is coming, proceed to pull out in front of that car, accelerate at glacial place to approximately 15 under the limit. When other driver shows rage, blame them and flip them off.

no i’m pretty sure that’s the inside of a ps3. vaginas look very different. have you ever seen one?

She only made those differences after plotting and succeeding to kill her husband.

Just reading that sentence made my dick retract to somewhere near my lungs.

Seriously. Can you imagine that menacing face staring down at you as he’s humping and pumping away? All his ex-wives/wife should get hazard pay.

He is always this crass. This is absolutely tame for the vitriol and idiocy that normally spews from his mouth.

Sorry. It just freaking kills me that there are, you know, VOTERS who believe this shit. It’s like the idiots who believe that climate scientists are all involved in some mass conspiracy to positively review each others’ papers and keep those sweet government research funding dollars rolling in.

“I’m science 101, big time guy, tech advance it, you know it, I’m all in.”

We could cannonize him, ya know? Shoot him out of a cannon. It’s more cost effective.

No, unless Mars has oxycontin.

Can we send Limbaugh to Mars to double check?