Also, it should be noted, the tarantulas are already dead by the time they arrive at the restaurant

Oh God! After reading this, my fake gluten “sensitivity” fake started acting up!

Yeah, the saltines comparison is unfair. Saltines help people who are sick to their stomach, whereas Paul Ryan makes people sick to their stomach.

I don’t need ketchup to taste better. I need it to taste how it is supposed to taste and it’s supposed to taste like Heinz.

Now do one for catsup.

Punching down mean’s ignoring what said minorities have to say altogether, and castigating them for not “taking a fucking joke” if they happen to speak up.

Mark Twain’s not still writing books featuring a character called N*gger Jim. 

It’s like you managed to read the piece, without actually absorbing any of it... An impressive feat!

Then get off your ass and make a “Problem with Cletus” documentary.

TUSK

White trash is pretty broadly represented beyond Cletus. If half of Discovery Channel’s programming was filled with people of Indian descent, then we wouldn’t be talking about Apu.

Jones will accept, then fail to show up, then explain that he ate some really hot chili and forgot all about it.

Read: He’s a douche bag that enjoys being a douche bag and doing douche bag things because he thinks getting under other people’s skin is making him somehow superior to them.

Cute satire.

It feels more like “What would a sports league be like if people were actually booted for doing shit when they’re found out instead of covered up” really.

-every other character whenever Therm Scissorpunch isn’t onscreen.

Look, everybody-the first sinless human since Jesus over here!

Are you saying propagating a conspiracy theory even past its culmination of the murder of a person is equivalent to a dumb comedy show?

I know, Parks and Recreation was never the same after Paul Schneider left and Rob Lowe and that weird U2 guy showed up. 

*pounds car hood*