Barry Trotter and the Killer of Azerbaijan

When I got the first text alert (from BBC News, I think), I thought it was an update about Flight 370 and thought "So, first they said it went off radar over Vietnam, but now they are saying they lost communication over Ukraine. What kind of crazy flight path was that plane taking?"

work through the problem of homosexual couples not being able to conceive children on their own.

I'm sure it doesn't matter in a world where Zayn Malik can shit out a baby.

I really just need to start sending you my therapy bills, Mark.

Doug is currently residing under the elevators at the Beverly Center in a nest of newspaper and bile, biding his time.

Yeah, but that seems a pretty reductive and remarkably unsympathetic read of the actual posted essay. I'll admit some fanboy bias in this case - I am the barely ashamed owner of both of his books - but I think that while he might be exhibiting some myopia, it is pretty understandable that he would be annoyed at a…

Rabin's book My Year Of Flops (which includes the Elizabethtown review) is brilliant.

Ahhh! Senior prom followed by loafing on your season pass (?) at Kings Island all day. I know where you hail from sir! Because I did the exact same thing.

Fox News Headline: OBAMA REFUSES TO SHAKE GAY MAN'S HAND.

A Democrat's Fist Bump gave my son autism. True.

We could have a lively discussion about which President would be funniest to watch in this moment (and please do, in the comments), but I'm hard-pressed to think anyone would top Nixon (*rim shot*).

My dad did something very similar to Alicia Silverstone.

I finally heard it last month at Kohls and that pharrel dude owes me three minutes of silence.

Wow, so cute. Everybody looked like they were having so much fun!

Two things, 1) Weird Al is a musical fucking genius and I refuse to acknowledge anyone who disagrees and 2) you made me have to look up a word and I am angry that I learned something today. At least it wasn't math.

My dad did something very similar to Alicia Silverstone. Saw her at a Starbucks in LA about 10 years ago and spent 15 minutes trying to get her to remember which of me or my sisters she went to high school with. She was like seriously, did not go to your daughters school! He told her to check her yearbook when she got…

circumcision is when a dick is filed down into a point, yes.

the Drake equation

I've been doing a lot of squats and deadlifts.