I think the fact that my margaritaville margarita machine makes a 32 oz pitcher that perfectly fits into my 32 oz insulated mug is not simply a coincidence.

Yeah, it's too bad that only shit tequila gets sold in 1.75s.

That's odd, usually when I see a huge pickup truck (which are in abundance here in Texas), I think there's probably some overcompensation going on.

My first thought, too.

Is Val Kilmer the MC?

Hopefully I'm geographically removed enough that I'll die of old age before Ricky gets around to working his South Texas list.

Vanilla Nut Tap!

Maybe she used a turkey baster.

How do you copyright the name of a town/valley? The guys that sell New York style pizza better lawyer up.

And also unlike Walmart, Costco didn't destroy the central business district/Main Street of almost every small town in America.

Just get a pair of trucknutz.

No wire hangars!

The most alarming thing I learned here is that this woman has reproduced.

"Nice beaver jacket!"
"Thanks, I just had it sheared last week!"

That naturally follows, after killing all the people that made fun of you in middle school.

Must be weird living in a state where it's easier to score weed and meth than a sixer.

Even in the Circle K's!

"Would you boys like to watch a gladiator movie?"

With a name like Kirkland, I'd guess they make some decent Scotch.

Just sinuses? I'd guess hypertension, high cholesterol, Type 2 diabetes, and heart disease as well, just based upon their size.